Jealousy

Where could my girlfriend have gone, at this hour of the night? I fear that she might be dating another woman. My obsession with how she spends her time away from me is driving me out of my mind. When she dances with her friends at parties, it causes me pain. . . . 

Ooh! now the phone rings, and it’s her! She’s offering an innocent explanation of where she is and what she’s been doing. — Why does her voice sound so strange? She claims she’s alone; did I hear a muffled laugh in the background, or was that just my imagination?

Maybe, next time she goes out, I should follow her stealthily until I discover the truth. — And yet, what if I’m only hallucinating? Perhaps there’s nothing at all to worry about. . . . 

Ugh, I’m living in agony! The stronger I love, the more I doubt. — Every time I try to confront her with my concerns directly, she avoids my gaze as if ashamed of the situation; yet I can’t tell if she truly wishes to avoid admitting unfaithfulness, or if she’s only embarrassed of my unjust inquiry. So, lately, I’ve taken to letting my suspicions pass in silence, whenever she returns after staying away so long: Simply and privately, in my mind, I grant her forgiveness, without her requesting it, and without me knowing for what.

§

O horror! Just now I received news that my girlfriend died in a horse-riding accident. After hearing this, for a while I am numb. The next few months pass very slowly. . . . 

Then, one day, while out on a walk, I happen to meet a woman who was close friends with my now-deceased girlfriend — she belonged to the same group that would always spend their evenings at dance clubs and parties. I question this woman freely about my girlfriend’s past behavior, and she answers that everything I suspected was true — in fact, the reality is far worse than I even dreamed; for my girl was cheating on me with this entire group of females: The woman relays all the excruciating details while offering undeniable proof.