Pirates

Thanks for loading the cannons, my trusty buccaneers and merchant men; I’m so glad that you joined me on this elfin pinnace to go searching for the hidden treasure of Blackbeard. Now, beware of the ship that is christened Queen Anne’s Revenge — she’s our nemesis. Do not wait: as soon as you spot her, fire the blunderbuss. I’m hoping that we can capture her crew and make them walk the plank, after robbing their vessel and sinking it. Let us raise the flag with the skull and crossbones on it. Unsheathe your bright swords; the dew won’t rust them. We shall begin our adventures by raiding an island infested with private-jet owners. They will be raping and pillaging when we arrive: While they are thus preoccupied, we can sneak up and behead them, and steal their swag. Nurse their victims to health after saving them; then ask them to join us. Give all these new crew-members their own parrot, and a hook hand to perch on; also offer each one an ivory-hued peg-leg made from whalebone, for we still have extras from that skeleton that we found in the volcano. And don’t forget about this coffer that I positioned near the base of the mast here: help yourselves to as many gold doubloons as you like. That’s all I have to say, for now — push off!