Earlier, I proved that the notion of Heaven is false and the afterlife is a hoax. But then some heckler among the poor warned me that I’ll probably end up in Hell when I expire; and Hell is the opposite of Heaven. So, after thinking about this, I decided that it would be best to hedge my bet: I therefore paid to install an escalator (which is a type of moving stairway) in the lowest depths of the underworld, so that, if I end up there, my shadow can just ride up into the clouds.
Also, I ordered my engineers to make a toggle switch that controls the whereabouts of all my earthly treasures. Here’s how it works: Once I die, my physical body shall fall forward and convulse upon this button, thus triggering the device to transfer all my riches into the spiritual realm. That way, all my cash and belongings will no longer be trapped here, in the normal world; rather, they will follow my deceased soul wherever it goes. In short, I’ll be the first rich man to regain paradise. Planning ahead, I already put in the highest bid to purchase God’s throne, as well as his faceless facemask; plus I bought Gandhi’s mansion, which is between mine and Christ’s, and had the property bulldozed and converted into a parking space for my golden vehicles.
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