Pay no mind to roundup 76

All I ask is that you share this diary entry on your network of choice and then use your own money to promote it so that when I become rich & famous I can stiff you. I’ve always wanted to stiff a gentle soul.

Obligatory image

Above is a fit that I threw via MS Paint. You may assure Dr. Freud that I genuinely forgot to type the terminal letter in that program’s title when naming its file on my computer: “MS Pain Crapola.”

Scheduled link

This marks the first time that I used Facebook’s scheduling function to share a link via my Pretentious Author Page. I programmed the thing to post at an hour that I considered godawful early; but then I couldn’t sleep, so I turned on my computer and watched the post come up. I wish that someone would similarly automate the sunrise. Unless they have already done so; in which case they should deactivate the sun and freeze its assets.

SMS messages from Big Bird

• Everyone trumps everyone.
• You won’t even tell me that my hair is as beautiful as corn husks?
• The seemingly absurd textual auto-corrections that our phones perform on occasion are improvements too ingenious for humans to grasp.
• I wish I could make a career out of biting people’s ankles, because I think I’d be good at that.
• See something that you want? Make it your own by stealing it.
• NEWSFLASH FROM THE FUTURE: Now that the possibilities of disease and impregnation are abolished, sex is boring.
• Outclass the combustion engine by sipping gasoline.
• My final collection of texts is so enormous that I can use another book as my book’s bookmark.
• When a fellow pedestrian greets me by saying “It’s a beautiful day,” I simply and sternly reply: “That’s your opinion.”
• I am the lovechild of Sisyphus and Damocles.
• Apparently men do not belong under water; for, when one falls in, we cry out “Man overboard!” (Some people also shout when a whale is sighted.)
• Consider futurity’s genii.

? cont.

If anyone needs me in the next couple hours, I’ll be at the park reading Nathaniel Hawthorne to my rent-a-companion. (And by “the park,” I mean the one where you recently murdered me.)

Nate & Bry

I’m starting with a few of his short works; then I plan on going through his four major novels. (I’ve always intended to check out Hawthorne’s writings; but, for no good reason, I’ve neglected them: all I’m familiar with is The Scarlet Letter.) In the past days I’ve been enjoying certain titles from Tales and Sketches. Here’s my recently-read list, all of which I loved:

• “The Wives of the Dead”
• “Wakefield”
• “Feathertop”
• “The Artist of the Beautiful”
• “Ethan Brand”
• “My Kinsman, Major Molineux”
• “Dr. Heidegger’s Experiment”
• “Rappaccini’s Daughter”

My favorite of those was “Feathertop,” by the way.

Today I plan on beginning The House of the Seven Gables. When I finish that, I will continue on to The Blithedale Romance, and then The Marble Faun. Lastly I’ll go back and re-read The Scarlet Letter (I’ve always loved that book – I don’t know why I never sought out his other writings).

I’m barely hanging on here . . .

Best compliment ever: “You should not be allowed to write.”

You like this part —> “Bryan Ray [Nancy]”

I can’t remember the last time I was so proud of my mug and my two pairs of glasses.

You were more zugegen than I was, admittedly. But I am more eitel than anyone.

This song is perfect for funerals OR childbirth.

A lovely exchange

RYAN: “How did you feel the stabbing went this evening? Are you happy with the outcome? Critical condition?”

MARGARET: “There wasn’t enough blood to be let out. I am rather disappointed.”

Films

Here are the names of the films that I recently watched. I’ll just copy the first sentence from their Wikipedia pages, instead of describing them or giving any opinion – the fact that I list them means that I loved them.

• Happy People: A Year in the Taiga is a 2010 documentary film directed by Werner Herzog and Dmitry Vasyukov.
• Gilda is a 1946 American black-and-white film noir directed by Charles Vidor and starring Rita Hayworth in her signature role as the ultimate femme fatale and Glenn Ford as a young thug.
• Out 1 is a 1971 film directed by Jacques Rivette, one of the major filmmakers of the French New Wave.
• Chafed Elbows is a 1966 film directed by Robert Downey, Sr. . . . Downey photographed most of the movie with a still 35mm camera and had the film processed at a Walgreens drugstore. The pictures were animated alongside a few live-action scenes, and most of the dialogue was dubbed to hilarious effect. All of the female roles were played by Elsie Downey (the director’s wife).
• Hotel Chevalier is a 2007 American-French short film written and directed by Wes Anderson.
• And the Pursuit of Happiness is a 1986 film directed by Louis Malle about the experiences of immigrants in the United States during the 1980s.

BTW:

By the way, my friend Jumbo Pimp just released his latest album Indiscretion. You can use your ears to listen to it.

P.S.

VOLLEY THE VISUAL

I joined forces with my comrade Paul Bilger [chronophotic] to play a game that had neither purpose nor rules, and OUR TEAM WON!! (We had no opponents.)

The serve
“I wanted to put a comment here, but I didn’t know what to say, so I took this chart from Wikipedia – I hope that we enjoy it:”

VolleyPaul
“Ware the stunt double!”

My return
“I don't know why—it just felt like the right thing to do.”

VolleyPaul
“When will the preponderance of images of Kim Novak assert their autonomy? As the image it works as the word which loves to fail.”

Also: “aaaaaahhhhhh!”

My volley

VolleyPaul
“Clinamen!”

My volley
“since you say clinamen I want to call this tessera but I don’t think that this deserves to be called tessera because it’s barely even half of an extra clinamen”

Match point
“the spiral spirals”