23 July 2015

Less than an hundred warbles

Dear diary, today I will share a roundup and a bonus Q&A. But first, just look at this image:

Roundup

Here are some warbles from my Loplop (as opposed to his Loplop):

  • I wish that more people would ask me if I have ever been to jail.
  • It saddens me to see a balloon devoid of helium.
  • I hate Truth and God because I cannot stop caring about them like family.
  • How curious that this planet still has nations.
  • Regarding: “Would you rather be smart or funny?”—The two are one: Everything genuinely funny is also smart, and everything genuinely smart is also funny.
  • I beg you not to doubt that my entrails glisten.
  • Let the Great Dung Beetle of Eternity come and roll the planet Earth back into the Sun.
  • Inspire thyself.
  • No, dear Hamlet; that is not the question. To bathe, or to skip bathing and douse oneself in cologne—that is the question.
  • Entrusting one’s mental reins to an automated device is like copulation without the impediment of pleasure.
  • Your child is going prematurely orange.
  • I’ve been trying to determine exactly why I find everything so beautiful. Maybe I should chalk it up to the fact that I am just an eager bunny.
  • Left Man will continue to measure the water in Right Man’s bathtub as long as Right Man keeps unplugging Left Man’s refrigerator.
  • To solve the iron deficiency that is caused by the appearance of your monthly friend, drink six full glasses of human blood per day.
  • “The goose is dorky; the goose is happy: everything is good in my direction.” —little goose
  • We are slightly different blanks of some strange blank. And by “we,” I mean all beings, of course. Unless…
  • Suppose there is truly something lovable about every­thing that one can’t help but abhor.
  • Recommended price for an innocent soul: $76.55

BONUS QUESTION:

BONUS ANSWER:

2 comments:

Qualo Infinity said...

"Left Man will continue to measure the water in Right Man’s bathtub as long as Right Man keeps unplugging Left Man’s refrigerator." This speaks volumes. OH, btw, innocent souls are always cheaper by the dozen.. And to avoid the middle man: Buy online! And save!

Bryan Ray said...

Hey! That saved me a bundle! I was able to get a bulk discount for purchasing a bushel of twelve souls; & they seem genuinely innocent, too—after throwing in a couple packs of pinkish-orange bubblegum (the rock-hard kind that was included in packs of baseball cards in the early ’20s when I was a baby dada), the total came to an even $700!! …Also, that statement that you mention is a reference to a moment that occurs in the Up documentaries; and I’m thinking about broadcasting an official challenge, declaring that anyone who is able to locate its context from among the 12+ hours of that series shall obtain the reward of knowing that they did so.

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