Dear diary, today I will share a roundup and a bonus Q&A. But first, just look at this image:
- I wish that more people would ask me if I have ever been to jail.
- It saddens me to see a balloon devoid of helium.
- I hate Truth and God because I cannot stop caring about them like family.
- How curious that this planet still has nations.
- Regarding: “Would you rather be smart or funny?”—The two are one: Everything genuinely funny is also smart, and everything genuinely smart is also funny.
- I beg you not to doubt that my entrails glisten.
- Let the Great Dung Beetle of Eternity come and roll the planet Earth back into the Sun.
- Inspire thyself.
- No, dear Hamlet; that is not the question. To bathe, or to skip bathing and douse oneself in cologne—that is the question.
- Entrusting one’s mental reins to an automated device is like copulation without the impediment of pleasure.
- Your child is going prematurely orange.
- I’ve been trying to determine exactly why I find everything so beautiful. Maybe I should chalk it up to the fact that I am just an eager bunny.
- Left Man will continue to measure the water in Right Man’s bathtub as long as Right Man keeps unplugging Left Man’s refrigerator.
- To solve the iron deficiency that is caused by the appearance of your monthly friend, drink six full glasses of human blood per day.
- “The goose is dorky; the goose is happy: everything is good in my direction.” —little goose
- We are slightly different blanks of some strange blank. And by “we,” I mean all beings, of course. Unless…
- Suppose there is truly something lovable about everything that one can’t help but abhor.
- Recommended price for an innocent soul: $76.55
I wish I could make a career out of biting people's ankles, because I think I'd be good at that.— Bryan Ray (@TershyRad) May 21, 2015