16 July 2015

Sleuthwork & Sayings

Today’s entry consists of sleuthwork and sayings. The sleuthwork shall serve the purpose of explaining the entry’s obligatory image; and the sayings are either replete with or lacking in significance, depending on the judgment of the mind of their beholder.

Part 1: Sleuthwork

On the day of 04 July 2015 A.D., the street outside of my apartment was closed for a parade. Many local cults fashioned ornamental floats on flatbed vehicles, and their members stood and waved at the crowd and threw candy.

I constructed a desk from the wood of two trees that had recently fallen during a storm. I affixed wheels on each of the four legs of this desk, so that it could glide; then I built a swivel chair—one with rollers at its base, allowing it to cruise alongside my mobile desk, upon whose top I heaped hills of literature. Then I joined the parade.

My point is that, instead of tossing candy from my float, I threw books. But the reason that I am telling you this story is so that I can tell you what happened after the story:

On the day that followed the parade, that is, on 05 July 2015 A.D., I went out for my daily crawl. During this crawl, I found, on the ground, a suspicious piece of microfilm, which had been hastily discarded by a parade-goer (most likely a criminal).

A photograph of the abovementioned microfilm is what I used for yestreen’s obligatory image, dearest diary. Now, since I already told you the reason for this story, let me give the reason for my snooping.

The reason that I always go snooping around amid the aftermath of cosmic events is that I enjoy imagining myself as a detective. And the reason that I like pretending to be a detective is that people tend to invite me into their abode, so that I can question them about their whereabouts on the previous night; and, when they serve refresh­ments, my beverage is usually drugged. So I sleep off my buzz. But it’s not fun waking up, because things appear blurry.

Anyway, below is a close-up of the image that I discovered: it depicts a scene that has been captured inadvertently—the shot was taken by an unknown suspect, as I explained. No charges have been pressed. It appears to be a picture of a sinister mountainside with a couple of old flames hiding in the bushes. I suspect foul play.

Part 2: Sayings

Now here is a roundup of sayings from who knows where:

  • Humans are like the gangsters of the animal kingdom.
  • When you star in a movie, the whole world falls in love with you, because you play God.
  • I am a babe and I yearn to get married but no one will wed me because I act like a bad word.
  • Why not treat yourself to a militia!
  • I was worrying about starving creatures before the sun had risen. Today I got a late start.
  • It is hard for an avid biker to avoid getting facebugs.
  • Some people fast and pray; some just pray fast.
  • One is tempted to envision the events that led to this fact, after finding upon the shore a pair of stray panties.
  • Cutlery espies cuisine and gets right to stabbin’.
  • The opinions of the Paragraph Auto-Scrambler do not necessarily represent the views of my Multinational Poetry Corporation.
  • Kid coal nick man villa dog?
  • I think that it would be thrilling to bleed to death in the snow, because of the colors: bright red and bright white.

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