Dream, separation, politics, postscript

OMJ (oh my journal),

Sometimes a slight adjustment makes a big difference. I awoke at midnight in discomfort: I thought that I’d never be able to get back to sleep. But then I removed one of the pillows that was under my head, and that did the trick. Mine eyes fell shut and I had pleasant dreams until sunrise.

Here was last night’s feature dream. I was waiting outside of a diner. My sweetheart entered the parking lot in a plain white van. Slowing down, but without completely stopping the vehicle, she got out and began to walk towards me… on its own, the van continued rolling forward; so I motioned and said “Look: you didn’t quite park it!” My sweetheart gasped and tried to catch the stray vehicle… but the van was a little faster than her; it circled around the back of the diner and reappeared on the far side. I went running to catch it as well. The van kept swerving and lurching away from its pursuers, almost as if someone were driving it; although you could see that it was vacant. Then it went over a curb, drove thru the grass, and entered the freeway—and we hurried after it, still on foot. Finally the van turned sharply and headed in a straight line directly toward me, and it hit me and killed me.

I don’t know how celebrity couples can spend so much time apart from one another. I’m thinking mostly of actors, when I say this—because they have to spend months shooting their movies, during which time they’re mostly separated. I don’t like being away from my sweetheart, even for a single night. As I write this, my sweetheart is out at the theater with a couple friends. I wish she were here, so that we could read another section together of James Merrill’s vast otherworldly poem The Changing Light at Sandover, and a story from Boccaccio’s Decameron (as is our nightly habit), and then eat popcorn and watch a movie together.

I’m ashamed to admit that I’m a typical United Statesian, in that I’m mostly ignorant about politics: I’ve never been politically motivated, I’ve never been politically active. Until recently, I’ve found the political realm distasteful, I’ve been jaded, cynical, devoid of hope… But now I’m trying to care more; I’m trying to tune in, to increase my awareness, with the intention of participating…

I was going to write down my simple reaction to the debates (I mean the ones that happened before the New Hampshire primary), since I dutifully watched them; but, on second thought, I fear that my doing so would be a bore. Even my mentioning this intention is a bore. But mightn’t there be a positive aspect of offering my political opinion? I guess it’d be intriguing because I’m a newbie—I’m not bound to any particular attitude or belief; so maybe I’d offer a fresh perspective—and also my interest is in contemplating rather than mudslinging.

P.S.

Strong winds and low temps: that’s the weather for today. I just now glanced at the forecast; I’m writing this postscript on the morning after I wrote the paragraphs above. It’s Monday now; it was Sunday then. I fell asleep after the word “mudslinging.”