02 December 2016

Deleted P.S. (thoughts on freezing)

Dear diary,

(What follows was supposed to be the postscript to yesterday’s entry, but I replaced it with a bland joke about the weather forecast; that’s why this entry is so short.)

Lastly: Why do people want to freeze themselves? I thank the evil God of Luck for ignoring me hereto and leaving me in perfect health – I’ve never even caught a common cold – but if I were diagnosed with a critical, chronic, currently untreatable illness, I would rather expire “naturally” than save myself for science. For if you get frozen, it’ll be like taking a nap. And you might remain napping for hundreds of millions of years. But when they wake you, it’ll seem like no time passed. You, the hibernator, will shout: “Hey! guys! no! don’t thaw me! we only just got started!” And they’ll explain that you were frozen in 2017 yet now it’s the year 8846 and we future-folk finally figured out how to cure sadness.

There are a couple of reasons that I would not want to endure this procedure. First, I can’t sleep well in an ice-filled bathtub, so I’m sure I’d have bad dreams, which would make the years pass slowly. Second, I don’t think that sadness is something to “cure” – at least not scientifically, with ointments and probes – no: I think that if you feel sad, you should simply change your routine… If you still feel sad after you’ve changed, then change again… As usual, the last change is death, and that ALWAYS works (unless you freeze yourself).

And I try to avoid black holes, because of the quasars; “for this cause ought a woman to have power on her head because of the angels” [1st Cor. 11:10] – recall that quasars supervise black holes just as angels oversee soul farms; for, to misquote a science book that I was reading this morning:

Quasars acquire free energy by luring humans into their black holes. Each person falls into the central point and is destroyed, while his or her energy gets transformed into “pure gravity.” Indeed, it is possible to feed mortals carefully to a black hole in such a way that their soul is not absorbed during the transition – the flesh of an individual is separated by gravity from that person’s spirit itself. Although this occurs seemingly “out of nowhere” (or near nowhere), the ultra-rich force is created at the expense of a vast negative gravitational energy, so the final power of the entire universe remains hovering very close to zero.

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