A good entry that really hits the spot

Dear diary,

Is my brain still attractive? Was it ever attractive?

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then I’m the only one who can answer these questions for myself. So I say that my brain was once alluring, because it glittered with many new thoughts; but over the last six years it’s grown unattractive, because it turned grey and lost the capacity for wonder.

I like being washed-up, tho. For, when you’re washed-up, you only need to think selfish thoughts, such as: Will I find any snacks inside this seashell; or: What kind of leaf should I wear today…?

Yet I worry that I’ve lost whatever small amount of worth I ever had. And I wish I would’ve started out this entry by saying “Do I really have to write another entry?” Cuz then it’d sound like someone’s forcing me to compose this. Which is sort of the case: for I browbeat myself.

Yes, it ends up that way: some master must command me; because, if you’re not being threatened, why write? I don’t know a clearer explanation of the malfunctioning of the mind than the Freudian one, so I advertise myself among the satellites in the classifieds as possessing a planet-sized superego. Also I boast: My death drive is like nothing you’ve ever seen!!!

I have so many negative thoughts. Yes, all my thoughts are negative. But I want to make them all convert and go positive, because I truly favor optimism. I’m a pessimist who yearns to become an optimist.

I believe; help thou mine unbelief. (Mark 9:24)

But I don’t want any fake positivity. So I must needs track down the aspects that genuinely move me, in this prison-cell-of-a-world. Yet the good news is that even those things that many’d consider passé or cliché, like the beauty of flowers, in my case, do the trick: they work like a charm to lift my mood. Or, take, for instance, the geese that we saw returning from their winter vacation: they landed and then began grazing in the snowy grass this morning; I thought to myself: this might seem like a mundane sight to someone who lacks imagination, but I know that most common creatures will soon be extinct, and, in the near future, astro-helmeted scientists wearing impermeable whole-body decontamination garments will sift thru the rubble and unearth fragments of goose-bone; then, after piecing together a skeleton, they’ll wonder what these beings actually looked like, and how they moved when they were alive; so I’m lucky to be able to witness such miracles moping before my very eyes near the street of our housing complex. And there was a dead one at curbside – it must have got struck by a passing vehicle.

Also (I know I’ve mentioned this next idea before; but I want to keep harping to myself about it, in order to sharply crease the trousers of memory), as part of my attempt to become a more positive cynic, I want to drift away from caring so much about politics. I used to care zero, then I recently ramped up past 100, and henceforth I’d like to sail at a wiser level. When it comes to the time that one dedicates to following politics, I don’t think all or none are good levels to be at.

I wish we lived in a pure democracy, where We the People could vote on every single issue individually. Why can’t this be the case, since we have the Internet and portable telephones with digital cameras in them? We could vote to free Julian Assange and other people like him; and the populace would vote to end all the wars; & we’d vote to meet the needs of all people everywhere. All drivers of cabs, whether they’re the traditional yellow taxis or the upstart slaves of the apps of the “gig economy,” would receive a revamped contract and robust compensation, a huge raise, & mega-benefits: they’d live like kings…

Another thing about politics (which I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, but who cares!—it’s healthy to gripe and complain: it’s good for the heart): I hate that my opinions are not heeded. Politically speaking, I am far more informed than your average fool, so I think I should be listened to; but the opposite is the case. What I mean is that I’m CORRECT about every issue, thus, if given a chance, I could easily solve all the universe’s problems, yet my hands are tied when it comes to passing legislation. Moreover, those laws that are on the books already, which I’d like to enforce (it’s crucial both to pass AND enforce legislation), such as the laws that allow for the divvying of monopolies, etc. – all this good potential is foregone by the people who currently hold positions of power.

Think about that: Not one person in power at present is I.

But what are we all trying to do in this world, anyway: shove our neighbors into the mud, or pull our neighbors from the mud? I’d rather help my neighbors out.

And yet: What if every bit of aid that we attempt to extend turns evil in mid-act! Not by any fault of our own, but on account of the way that existence was engineered – as though that were its purpose. For perhaps life is incontrovertibly nefarious, so the only way to bring harmony to the world is to eradicate every living thing.

And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. (Genesis 6:5)

Like someone’s chasing you with a flaming sword, and there’s lava to either side of you, and the path upon which you’re forced to run for your life is covered with frogs. How do you avoid stepping on frogs now and killing them? You know they’re innocent, and you love them: you think they’re splendid creatures; they’re so serene, they all seem to be sleeping. (What do frogs dream of? I bet their paradise is infested with moths and flies, because frogs eat bugs, and we tend to populate our idea of heaven with things that we enjoy.) You must escape from the pursuing angel with the fire-sword, and the way that the game was fashioned leaves its player with no choice but to squish a frog with each footfall. There’s nothing you can do but weep while running, or die.

& the worst of it is: Even if you’re compassionate enough to nosedive into the lava, you still can’t evade evil. For you were made of evil, thus it’s un·shirk·able, since, by ending a given evil, you only change from one form of evil to another. This game was programmed by an evil genius, over the course of six banking days; and everything that exists within it consists of pixels, all thoroughly evil: they’re basically evil’s building blocks: The avenging cherub is pixels; the lava is pixels; the frogs & you yourself are comprised of pixels. So if you try to curtail further evil by leaping off the path into the lava, what happens is that your pixels rearrange themselves into a newfangled instance of evil, to please your creator. So there’s no point to suicide.

But I take that back: The frogs have some passable pixels in them. Whatever makes their skin so glossy and their yellow eyes so large – those pixels are princely. They found a way to refract, or somehow to foster the devious Non-evil Otherness. I don’t say GOOD, and I don’t say GOD; but there is some secret force working against our awful overlord, like entropy. But since the maker invented entropy for evil, this antidote is at least an anti-entropy.

I think I’m kidding. That’s all just a bunch of hogwash. I’m simply trying to fill this page so that I can have a sizable entry to share. The wise are silent, so I’m trying to talk it out. I want something to show, for the great and final day, to prove, while the credits are rolling, that I did not take my punishment lying down: I was not enjoying my victimhood: I was whining. (Only spoiled brats whine, so maybe there’s some residual luxury in me yet.)

(When I say “me” I mean “my soul”. I said “brain” above but I like the word “soul”, because I don’t believe in it.) I think that we should try to incorporate more often into our speech those concepts that we just cannot abide. Why? I don’t know; I didn’t think that far. It just seems interesting. What if all the atheists, especially the hardcore cardholding atheists like myself, were to make a goal of embracing and employing, as much as possible, religious language and concepts in our daily speech. Just for a dada lark. To spice up the farce. The world’s becoming unfunner by the multitude: let us do our part in replenishing absurdity, before it’s too late…

But just as I said in my lie above, about the inherently evil nature of all life, we could say the same about the notion of fun. This world is fun-proof, fun-free: that’s its directive. To resist this ugly item is to baptize a grease fire. Or re-baptize, etc.

Get a job… go to school… build a business… join the army… start a family… make a fortune… rule the world… dance all night… forgive your debtors… take up the cross… die trying… get saved… run for office… love your enemies… read a book… covet thy neighbor… buy my fancy…

March in lockstep to your only begotten drummer.

Well, there’s no denying it, this blog post has fizzled to a stop. Now, with my eyes brimful of tears, I declare that I could never have done it alone. This type of writing is only made possible when an entire lifetime of parents teachers and supervisors manage to neglect the best boy in the village. Therefore, O mine overseers, as we take our leave, remember: I’m still pissed at you and I will never forgive you.

P.S.

Below is the entire mini-demo rap album Ten Bowls. My lawyers advised me to upload the whole thing, because sharing the tracks individually, as I had been doing, was just too boring. So there are a few new tracks here which have not, till now, seen daylight. Wow are they interesting. Lastly, as I explained before, I am only responsible for the aspects of this project that are pleasant; anything else is not my doing.

& here it is on Bandcamp:

Lyrics:

1.
Porcelain Bowl

Here is my song about porcelain bowls
They are ceramically awesome yo
Porcelain bowl yeah fine ceramic ware
Let me grab it there oh my damn it’s fair
It’s a hard bowl a big white bowl
A nice tight bowl an alright bowl
It’s really cool cuz it’s essentially quartz
I can fit this bowl in my shorts
Wow look mom the bowl fits in my shorts
Bryan calm down you dork
Now look at that translucent porcelain bowl
This is totally ceramic yo
It is sonorous and non-porous
Which means it’s good to water your forest
I think porcelain bowls are nifty
That’s why I have more than fifty

2.
Clay Bowl

Clay bowl no not a clavicle
No nor a clay pigeon no nor a cleat
I like to drink when I drink from my clay bowl
Not to mention as well I eat
Yes it’s a clay bowl earthy material
Bad for cereal good for baking
Totally plastic when moist this clay bowl’s
Hard when fired like my aunt Amy
My clay bowl is manufactured with
Hydrous aluminum silicate elements
I am the rapper the really good rapper
MCB I’m as big as an elephant
I like to bathe in a big clay bowl
It is bigger than New York City
And I use a real small clay bowl
Every day when I feed my kitty

3.
Paper Bowl

Here is a song about paper bowls
They are good to look at and hold
They hold food for your cat or dog
And they are made from wooden logs
Logs are crushed down and become paper
Then the crushed logs are put in the shaper
And the shaper shapes logs to bowls
Then I put in the cat food yo
I hope that I’ve convinced you
To buy a paper bowl rather than a tin suit
If you agree then wave your hands
MCB is effeminate man
With a paper bowl with a paper flower
Signifying my stance as coward
I have eight couplets for you boys
Paper bowl yeah bring the noise

4.
Metal Bowl

If you ain’t never seen nothing
Then you ain’t seen my bowl of metal
I was so happy when bringing it home
That I almost forgot to pedal
I like metal bowl better than paper
Cuz you can throw them and they don’t break
Plus if you get some water or food inside them
They don’t evaporate
Yeah it’s a metal bowl a big metal bowl
It’s filled with kitty food lint or mold
Cuz I got mold in my bowl
Mixed with lint and kitty food yo
MCB the metal bowl wielder
Metal face with a metal shielder
Metal staff with a metal pole
Smoking crack from a metal bowl

5.
Gold Bowl

Once your mom had a dirty bowl
But I shined it up and now it’s gold
So now it’s shiny and good to go
Cuz it was dirty but now it’s gold
Gold bowl how low can you go
Rapping really takes its toll
On a brother. I got a gold plated gold bowl
Riding to the swap meet paid in full
I’m the King of America MCB
Eating cereal out of a bowl that’s green
Cuz I like the gold bowl boy it’s nice
Don’t look now mom I’m eating rice
With two gold chopstick pseudo hot chicks
These gold bowls are bowls not boxes
Wow eight couplets finally finished
I like gold bowls to hold my spinach

6.
Brick Bowl

Song six in the mix
Kicking it with bowl brick
Yeah yo brick bowl
Nice top thick hole
I like brick because it’s red and grainy
Plus it don’t melt when it gets rainy
Plus the bricks are like slung with mortar
I have a couple more bowls on order
Cuz brick bowls are special order custom designed
Cuz most people order other different kinds
Like clay bowls or paper porcelain bowls
But I like the brick cuz it’s thick and slow
So now can I interest you in buying some brick
In the shape of a bowl that is slow and thick
OK that’s $550.97
Plus $6.33 for tax. Out of $11?
OK $4.32 there’s your change
Now I just gave you herpes and AIDS

7.
Small Bowl

MCB go super cool rap slow
Here is a sad flow regarding a small bowl
Once I was trying to clean my room
And all I had was a bowl and a broom
But the bowl was too small cuz when I utilized it
All I could fit is two french fries in
So I was taking a real long time
Just to clean this bowl of mine
But after a while then I got it clean
But then I heard some old lady scream
And that was your mom cuz she started to choke
Cuz she got the small bowl lodged in her throat
So I went over did the Heimlich maneuver
And your mom vomited manure
And there sure enough was a bowl down there
Saturated with manure and hair

8.
Party Bowl

Song eight real great party bowl hot date
I go to sleep way after eight
So stay up with me and my party bowl dude
And we’ll use the party bowl and both get nude
Cuz the party bowl it is so fun to party with
Specially whenever you’re naked and barfing it
Once when the party bowl was in my possession
I got all nude and boy I really looked fetching
So then of course there’s partying happening
Because of the way the party bowl has wacky wings
That fly all around whenever we get naked
Which is what happened one night to me and David
Now David was already totally nude
Cuz he was made that way cuz he’s a statue
So now we break out the cool party bowl
And now you see me and my billowing rolls

9.
Pedestrian Bowl

A little known fact you probably don’t know
Is pedestrians must use pedestrian bowls
Cuz the cars and trains and big planes that dive
That are zooming the streets packed and driving blind
Are a life threatening risk to people who walk
So that’s why they got rid of all sidewalks
And instead they built a pedestrian bowl
That is roughly two miles wide and half full
And it’s designed to give walkers places to go
So they don’t get ran over by tanks that roll
Now the traffic is real safe and nobody dies
Cuz the pedestrian bowl is like teeming with life
And the trains and helicopters, tanks and cars
Now can drive all over super fast far
Cuz they don’t have to worry of hitting pedestrians
Cuz all the pedestrians are always sequestered in

10.
Towel Bowl

Now the towel bowl it is like a marvel of nature
Cuz it sits on the floor and if you want it will stay there
Cuz it's towel bowl, towel bowl, really nice towel bowl
It is not manufactured for holding an owl though
It is the bowl that holds your towel when you’re swimming
Or when you are in heaven or talking to women
It is shaped with the perfect shape for holding a towel
And the only downfall is that it doesn’t hold owls
So if you’re all wet and you need to dry off
Just utilize the towel bowl cozy and soft
And roll around inside it then cast it aside
Cuz the towel bowl really does keep people dry
But if you are a pirate and have a pet owl
I’m warning you now to get a regular towel
Cuz the towel bowl really is only guaranteed
To dry the flesh of the human never feathers from trees

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A NOTE FROM THE RAPPER: I Bryan do hereby pledge to continue uploading my old rap demos at Bandcamp & YouTube (I still have a half-empty dustbin of cassettes that I need to archive), because I understand that my artistic output constitutes important evidence, which shall aid futurity’s alien historians in determining what went wrong with humankind.