Have you outstript the rest? are you the President?
It is a trifle, they will more than arrive there every one, and still pass on.—from “Song of Myself” (§21) by Walt Whitman
Obligatory image
Here is the drawing that appears on the cover of the user manual for our electric fireplace. I like it because it is mercilessly plain.
Dear diary,
The imagination is superior to everything, because the imagination is inferior to everything. It’s like the ancientest, ur-successful Christ. For the last shall be first.
The imagination is the best. I don’t wanna call it GOOD, cuz it’s beyond good & evil. Also I don’t say that the imagination is noble, cuz nobility implies a division of existences: high-born, well-born, things of gentle birth. But every thing that lives is holy. All birth is a stroke of luck, as is all death. So: the imagination is distinguished.
I began with this meditation on the imagination because, as I said in my entry from yesterday, I recently failed to watch a televised speech by the U.S. President; and his address was titled “The State of the Union”, which is abbreviated “S.O.T.U.” So I thot to myself: Hey I should make a talk as well; instead of S.O.T.U. it’ll be S.O.T.I. – “The State of the Imagination” – and instead of “2019” I’ll date it “A.T.M.” as those letters stand for “At The Moment”, because the imagination doesn’t really have years like 2019 or circa 755 B.C. (that’s when the prophet Amos created his scripture; however, since he sides with the imagination’s eternity contra tedious clocktime, he dates his work [see the initial verse of his composition] simply and vaguely “before the earthquake”), no, for, judging Science to be too cramped a cage, the imagination forgoes any exact time-stamp and uses instead perfunctory moments, and each moment can last as long or short as feels fit. That’s why there are sayings like “Time flies when you’re having fun!” also: “This weekend that we spent together passed like minutes because of all our passionate lovemaking.”
Speaking of eternity; which is at once a room inside the imagination, as well as the imagination’s domicile; William Blake has a nice “Hell Proverb” that sets the stage for what I’d like to do today (& even the most cursory skimmer of my diary will recognize the quote, since I repeat it so often):
Eternity is in love with the productions of time.
Alright, so our current U.S. President represents Time, and I Bryan represent Eternity; thus I shall Zeusify, for the purposes of this blog post, my little Europa; that is, I shall bull thru the S.O.T.U. – What I’m saying is that I’ll take the text of Prez 45’s recent sermon and make my own version. This will leave the S.O.T.I. (State of the Imagination address) a faithful plagiarization of the 2019 swindle; for, again, the last shall be first.
P45 starts like so:
Madam Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, THE FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES — [interminable applause] — and my fellow Americans…
I, even I, Bryan Ray the private diary speech·napper [speechwriter + kidnap] would alter the above introduction as follows – and please note that I intend all the regular words to be spoken in a confident-businessman voice, and all the words that are encased within parentheses (like so) to be spoken in a sexy undertone:
Dear C.I.A. (Central Intelligence Agency), F.B.I. (Federal Bureau of Investigation), N.S.A. (National Security Agency), Defense Contractors (D.C.), and all ye dupes & suckers out there in the hinterlands who finance our mischief...
Now I gotta peek over at the Prezzez Teleprompter again to steal my next line – OK I see he sez:
On D-Day, June 6th, 1944, 15,000 young American men jumped from the sky, and 60,000 more stormed in from the sea, to save our civilization from tyranny. In 2019, we also celebrate 50 years since brave young pilots flew a quarter of a million miles through space to plant the American flag on the face of the moon.
Alright here’s my restatement:
We are not currently living under tyranny. I repeat: We are NOT currently living under tyranny. We were saved from tyranny by United Statesians jumping from the sky. It was literally raining men, that fine day in June. And those who landed in the ocean stormed out FROM the ocean and made it onto dry land, like our ancestors the Fish People; or like Pharaoh, whom Moses baptized in the Red Sea. – Also, don’t forget: we stabbed the moon in the face.
Back to Prez 45:
In the 20th century, America saved freedom, transformed science, redefined the middle class, and, when you get down to it, there’s nothing anywhere in the world that can compete with America.
Me:
[Ditto. It’s indisputable.]
P45:
In just over two years since the election, we have launched an unprecedented economic boom — a boom that has rarely been seen before. There’s been nothing like it.
Me:
It’s basically the Big Bang all over again. But it’s actually better than that, because the Big Bang already happened, the proof of which is that time & space exist, whereas this new boom of which I speak is like nothing in the world: It lacks any precedent whatsoever.
I realize that I’ve sorta switched from plagiarizing his speech to just commenting on it. Fine—so be it. I guess I’m more comfortable cheerleading than improving, when it comes to truly great men. OK here’s P45 again:
The U.S. economy is considered, far and away, the hottest economy anywhere in the world. Not even close. [Applause.]
The census shows that our entire population is billionaires. There’s nothing else: no poor folk; nobody’s struggling. Just billionaires, as far as the eye can see.
More people are working now than at any time in history.
This is where I begin to regret cheering so loudly (tho I don’t hold back); because the people should be enjoying themselves at leisure and play, and only the robots and computers should be working. It’s wrong to make a land of billionaires work. But we’re a hardworking nation, so what can ya do!
Our military is the envy of the world: it is the most powerful on Earth, by far, and America — [applause] — America is winning each and every day.
I’m not kidding; I’m copying this from the White House’s official transcript, and they have here, at this point in the President’s speech, a line recording the audience’s reaction.
AUDIENCE: USA! USA! USA!
Now back to P45:
THE PRESIDENT: That sounds so good. [Laughter.] Our country is vibrant and thriving like never before. An economic miracle is taking place in the United States.
This is the very first miracle, in the history of miracles, that was not authored by God, by the way. So, yes, it’s hard to find records that aren’t being broken this year.
America is a nation that believes in redemption.
Here is the dictionary definition of redemption: “clearing a debt.” America therefore believes in clearing everyone’s debts. That’s how we became the first nation of billionaires, without one single citizen who has less than a billion dollars in the bank.
We are joined tonight by Matthew from Tennessee. Over the last two decades, Matthew completed more than thirty Bible studies.
Matthew even wrote the Gospel that bears his name. [Applause.] Thank you, Matthew! [Applause.] America believes in your savior’s teachings, believe me!
Now, Republicans and Democrats must join forces to confront an urgent national crisis.
Uh oh. What scary thing could possibly happen to this nation that its population of 100% billionaires could not fix?
Now is the time to show the world that America is committed to putting all coyotes out of business.
[Applause.] A wild dog that resembles the wolf. Smaller than the gray wolf, and slightly smaller than the closely related eastern wolf and red wolf. The coyote (which is labeled “least concern” by the International Union for Conservation of Nature) has a varied diet consisting of deer, rabbits, mice, birds, reptiles, amphibians, fish, and horseshoe crabs. (Sorry to say, but it also eats fruits and vegetables.) Its characteristic vocalization is a howl made by solitary individuals. For despite a decades-long, heavily financed attempt at improving its brand’s image among the private sector’s business community, presidential attitudes towards the coyote remain largely negative. (I, personally, blame the roadrunner.)
As we speak, large, organized caravans are on the march to the United States.
Time for another dictionary definition: Caravan means “a vehicle equipped for living in; typically a trailer towed by a car and used when traveling for recreation. Synonyms: ‘mobile home’, ‘camper’, ‘caravanette’; ‘informalvan’. Usage example: ‘they spent a fishing holiday in a caravan’.” Now just consider how threatening it is to a nation of billionaires, for a group of such mobile campers to grow large and ORGANIZED!! – for I repeat:
As we speak, large, organized caravans are on the march to the United States. This is a moral issue.
We have a moral duty to create a system that protects the lifestyles and proclivities of our nation’s billionaires. For I want people to come into our country in the largest numbers ever, but they must be BILLIONAIRES. [Applause.]
Tonight, I am asking you to defend our very dangerous southern border...
(by which I mean my body below the belt line)
...out of love and devotion to our fellow citizens and to our country.
No issue better illustrates the cooperation between our working class and our political class than the fact that all of our billionaires are wealthy politicians; therefore let us all do our part in helping keep our President’s pants locked steadfast in the upright position.
Job recruiters use the wide-open areas between our ports of entry to lure thousands of entrepreneurs into modern-day slavery. In no time flat, these newcomers grow into billionaires.
Did you see that? He basically just revealed the secret recipe. I wish more people had ears to hear.
I’ve gotten to know many wonderful Angel moms and dads. No one should ever have to suffer being raised by mortals. Only Angels should raise children.
Amen. This is a really touching speech.
In the past, most of the people in attendance here voted for a wall. But the wall never got elected.
That ain’t right. If a wall gets the votes, it should WIN the election. How can you even HAVE a room without a wall!
It will get built. [Prolonged applause.]
In fact, you need at least three walls, to call what you’ve built an actual “room”; and that’s only if you’re putting on a stage show, like this S.O.T.U. speech, where the fourth wall is invisible. But maybe that’s what our great nation truly needs: an invisible wall, so that our neighbors can watch us. That way we’ll get much better ratings.
We need a smart, strategic, see-through barrier — not just a simple concrete wall. It will be deployed in the areas identified by the border agents as having the greatest potential audience. And these agents will tell you: When the curtain rises, expectations fall.
[Applause.] I love lowbrow entertainment.
Simply put: invisible walls work, and reality saves TV.
He messed that one up. The saying should’ve been: teleconferencing saves lives. It’s a reference to biblical online salesmanship, and the blood of Christ made available for the first time ever in shippable vials. Mature adult concepts.
No one has benefited more from our thriving nation than women.
Women in the U.S. won the right to vote in 1920. Thus women’ve supposedly had a say in roughly 18 of 45 prezzez! That’s 40% – less than half (& all men).
You weren’t supposed to do that. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
...I’m still just copying the State of the Union verbatim...
All Americans can be proud that we have more women in the workforce than ever before. [Applause.] Don’t sit yet. You’re going to like this. [Laughter.] The number of women currently serving in Congress is now more than zero. [Audience chants again: “USA! USA!”] That’s great. Really great. And congratulations. That’s great.
He forgot to mention that all of our women are billionaires.
Tonight, I am also asking you to join me in another fight that all Americans can get behind: the fight against childhood.
[Prolonged applause.] I hated my childhood.
Joining my nude wife in the gallery this evening is a very brave ten-year-old girl. The child is clothed; my wife is unclothed: make note of that. For there could be no more confusing tableau than this one that I now present: a naked model pretending to be a mother standing near an infant child who is fully clad and holding back tears. Thank you for viewing.
I don’t know what he’s getting at with this. I thought we were going to FIGHT the children. All we’re doing is vaguely frightening them.
Lawmakers in New York cheered with delight upon the recent passage of legislation that would allow a baby to be ripped from its mother’s womb mere moments from birth. These are living, feeling babies who will never get a chance to share their love and their dreams with the world.
NOW we’re talking!
Also, just last Tuesday, the Governor of Virginia promised, in writing, that he would execute one living baby. This was a personal vow of faith.
If you wanna fight childhood, ya gotta start somewhere.
To defend all adults from the next generation, I am asking Congress to pass legislation to make late-term abortion of at least two children from each mother’s womb not only mandatory but a prerequisite to citizenship. [Applause.]
Cuz kids are born without capital – I mean, they can inherit it from multi-billionaire parents, but they don’t contribute an instant billion to the economy: they just suck it right out. Thus every new birth drives down our perfect score in “The Sizzlin’ Corporation Game” from the respected financial magazine Worldbangers’ Nanosecond.
The final part of my agenda is to protect U.S. security.
The U.S. is apparently extremely insecure.
Over the last two years, we have begun to fully rebuild the United States military, with $700 billion last year and $716 billion this year.
Thank God we’re rebuilding it. The military, prior to now, had been totally dismantled. For, back in the beginning, after it first got built, somehow it fell apart; but now we’re finally rebuilding it.
We are also getting other nations to pay their fair share; because, for years, the United States has been treated very unfairly by friends of ours.
This almost reminds me of church: how the priests, whose job is to care for the people, end up performing alternate actions as well.
Under my administration, we will never apologize for advancing America’s interests.
Ah! momentarily, I was worried that he was going to make a formal apology for advancing America’s interests. By the way, how might one find out what America’s interests actually are? Is there a list of them somewhere? Is this concept empirically demonstrable, or should we all just trust and obey? I myself prefer to trust and obey.
Sorry. Now back to P-45:For we never can prove
The delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;Not a grief nor a loss
Not a frown nor a cross
But is blest if we trust and obey.
There is no other way to be happy but to trust and obey. For example, decades ago, the United States entered into a treaty with The Evil Empire in which we agreed to reduce our missile capability. While we followed this agreement TO THE LETTER, Russia repeatedly violated its terms. That is why I announced that the United States is officially withdrawing from all treaties.
Violence is the only language that anyone can understand. Or maybe it’s the only language we’re willing to speak.
Our brave troops have now been fighting in the Middle East for almost 19 years. After two decades of war, the hour has come to at least try for peace.
So the strategy is: When you set up shop in an area on this planet, it is best to engage immediately in a violent feud with your neighbors. Then, after twenty years, try talking things out – but ONLY after twenty years or more.
My administration has acted decisively to confront the world’s leading state sponsor of terror: the radical regime in Iran. It is a radical regime. They do bad, bad things.
Wow, that regime sure sounds radical. And those things they do sure sound bad, bad.
Last autumn, we put in place the toughest sanctions ever imposed by us on a country.
This is just a side note, but “sanction” is a very funny word. It has exactly two definitions, and they are polar opposites:
- a threatened penalty for disobeying a law;
- official permission or approval for an action.
So a sanction is either a penalty for acting, OR permission to act. Therefore I say LET THE U.S. SANCTION ALL SANCTIONS!!!
Now back to the Prez:
A survivor of the Holocaust is here with us tonight, Joshua Kaufman. He was a prisoner at Dachau. He remembers watching through a hole in the wall of a cattle car as U.S. soldiers rolled in with tanks. “To me,” Joshua recalls, “the U.S. soldiers were proof that God exists, and they came down from the sky.” They came down from Heaven.
Amen and amen.
I ask the men and women of this Congress: Look at the opportunities before us. Our most thrilling achievements are still ahead. Our most exciting journeys still await. Our biggest victories are still to come. We have not yet begun to dream.
To dream: perchance to sleep: ay, there’s the rub.
We must choose whether we squander our inheritance or whether we proudly declare that we are Americans. We do the incredible. We defy the impossible. We conquer the unknown. This is the time to reignite the American imagination. This is the time to search for the tallest summit and set our sights on the brightest star. This is the time to rekindle the bonds of love and loyalty and memory that link us together as citizens, as neighbors, as parrots.
Everything’s verbatim here but I just changed “patriots” to “parrots” due to boredom. Read “Song of Myself” — it’s much better than the above.
No matter the trials we face, no matter the challenges to come, we must slouch forward together.
Would that it were not necessary but we MUST.
We must keep America first in our hearts. We must keep freedom alive in our souls. And we must always keep faith in America’s destiny that one nation, under God...
NOTE: “God only Acts & Is. in existing beings or Men” (Blake)
...must be the hope and the promise, and the light and the glory, among all the nations of the world.
P.S.
Wow, that was a pretty good speech. I liked it. I give it a rating of five stars out of five stars!
Thank you. God bless you. And God bless America. Thank you very much. Thank you. [Applause.]
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