Are we great yet

Dear diary,

So you’re telling me that I can write anything I want, and publish my words online, and the finished product will be called a “blog post”, which the whole world will be able to read? Sounds great! First, I…

(I’m gonna write whatever I want in this blog post, just so you know. My boss told me that I could. I’m a free writer now.)

I’ll start with three short thots: Here they are:

Thot #1:

The fact that I am your fan proves you can't choose your fans.

I wrote this because the filmmaker Errol Morris, whose upcoming project is rumored to be a feature-length interview with the much-maligned political media strategist Steve Bannon, upon finding out that Bannon is a fan of his (Morris’) earlier film The Fog of War (2003), which by the way I myself Bryan the writer of this blog am also a fan of (it’s my favorite horror picture of all time), exclaimed “It goes to show: You cannot choose your fans.” So this made me desire to become a fan of everyone’s stuff; however I hold back from doing so because I’m afraid that I’ll offend everyone by approving of them.

Thot #2:

Beware of the impulse to state, under oath, that you overheard the word "fantastic" as "fascistic". I was eavesdropping on a lovers' quarrel between a politician and a preacher yestermorn, and I ended up reporting their conversation to the authorities fraudulently, on account of my claiming to have made the above mistake.

This short-thot stemmed from my own witnessing of a conversation between a number of innocent…

Thot #3:

Kate distributes booklets titled Down with the Imperialists; whereas Nan is simply down with the imperialists. How can Nan help Kate restore her virginity?

This third composition stems from a video against Communism. What happened is that a friend of mine posted a link on the Internet, on one of the social networks, and I clicked upon this link, which led to a film. The film was called “How to Spot a Communist”; its aim apparently was to teach its viewers to discern the telltale signs of Communist adherents. In one scene, there is a woman sitting at a table and distributing pamphlets to a long line of interested people. The voice that booms over this shot is a male radio announcer saying important things, like information that will help you steer clear of existence’s pitfalls. So it reminded me of this line by William Blake:

Every Harlot was a Virgin once
Nor canst thou ever change Kate into Nan

And even tho I said I’d limit my short-thots to only three, here’s a fourth bonus thot:

Thot #4:

Instead of ending my personal letters with "Stay strong," or "Stay true," I'm going to start using the salutation "Remain docile and enslaved."

Sincerely, Bryan. Now here are three bios:

THREE STOLEN BIOS

To help get the creative juices flowing again (we died recently), I stole the text from the "bio" section of three user accounts on the Bluebird Network. Do not frown upon me for doing this: I’m simply trying to jump-start my latest blog entry.

hi i am sour face Lil AKA LlamaBabe i am 33 yrs old i have 2 daughters 8 years old + 1 year old. I have a husband that supports me in what I am doing in every way.

Alright, good bio. Now here’s the next, taken totally at random, from the accounts that Bluebird suggests that I Bryan should follow:

Renowned Capitalist Theorist, radish eater, and all around strange sort of guy. That sort of guy that seems like a cool war vet, but actually plays Pokemon for 9 hours a day.

I like that bio; I can dig it; I can swing that; I can see myself saying something similar; I’m game; I’m with it; I have empathy. I’m down with this imperialist.

& here’s the last stolen bio:

Look how vacuumous I am. If there’s one thing women love it’s a vacuumous man.

P.S. (Apps)

OK, so, now, having posted a few short-thots of my own, and then stolen a few bios written by strangers, I realize that other people are more worth listening to than the Real Me. Thus, here in the postscript I shall include a couple more copy-pastes, but instead of lifting them out of my own Mad Hat, or from the Twitter network (which I nicknamed "Bluebird" above, to dodge your lawsuits), I shall steal them from the mobile-phone app that fights crime in my neighborhood (app, by the way, is short for application: especially one that is downloaded by a vampire while she is feigning to make love to her wife who is also downloading apps on her own phone, therefore neither participant is paying much attention to the bliss that they are enacting) — & when I say neighborhood I mean LOCAL not foreign, mind ye; for my foreign neighborhood does not own any crime yet.

I am sitting on my balcony tonight. My cat is nearby, hanging out, enjoying the fresh air. Now this owl flies up beside our deck!!! Poor kitty, who was exploring, leaps up in fright and lands in the cactus before me. Majestic and terrifying! Now kitty & the owl are having a stare down... Alright, a few moments later, I was able to take some pics & bring kitty inside. Whew!

OK one last one, then I’ll end this.

I have nothing to say today, but I want to remain relevant, so I mocked some other birds’ songs. I hope you forgive me. I’m really normally a very creative individual. I care about politics; I go out on dates; I watch all the modern movies and must-see miniseries on the television set. I’m never jokey or sarcastic about things that folks adore, like raising kids or protecting our country from terrorists. I hate the terrorists. Anyone who uses fear to sell a product is against our holy lamb: thus they deserve to have their business fail. Because if you’re not willing to contribute to society in a meaningful way, then you should go without food for a few weeks, maybe even months, just to raise your awareness. Become homeless or whatever. For there is no one who does not need to be woke occasionally. And if you haven’t slouched a lifetime in my shoes, don’t believe what I say. The footprints of Jesus were built in the sand, next to mine; and they lead right up to my front porch. In fact, I’m proud to be one of the most aroused dolphins on this beach. You can ask my trainer why he abandoned his own pursuit of happiness; I myself can only answer as follows: if you’re smart, you’ll exploit an honest profit, and if you’re willing to work a couple jobs, the bank will approve of you, and you’ll secure a decent salvation — not just plenty but a genuine cornucopia, which will carry you thru your old age & into eternity. Then you can get a second mortgage on your permanent home, and use the proceeds to fix up the cat room. Get the place owl-proofed. What I’m saying is that if we make the whole entire world perfect, we’ll all grow bored. But endless violence equals adventure. We all forgive the competition anyway. Competition is the fuel of innovation. I also wanna aver that the concept of entrepreneurialism renewed your faith in counterintelligence.

For, from what I understand, "Internet trolling" means commenting insincerely in a way that is likely to elicit an outraged response. If that’s correct, then let me tell you: You’re the only person I feel comfortable enough to troll; because I can’t imagine you being angry or taking anything too seriously. I can’t even imagine you ever listening to my prayers; let alone reading my scriptures carefully. In other words, your stability of attitude infuses me with the confidence to misbehave. I hope you take this as a compliment.