Remain agitated

Dear diary,

Remain agitated. It’s good to be agitated: it means that you understand the predicament.

Yet what if what I just said is wrong? I think it’s maybe wrong to call agitation good. Cuz agitation is unpleasant. Why would we wanna align our idea of goodness with unpleasantness? Is there anything wrong with saying “You’ll know you’re on the right track when you experience pleasure”? I say no: because it’s pleasurable to make love to strange people in strange places; that way you impregnate them, and your traits get passed on to others.

Say you’re a drunkard. Well the world needs more drunkards, so you should reproduce your kind. Increase and multiply: replenish the earth. (Whatever happened to the earth, I wonder: What happened to make it run low on drunkards?)

Agitated or comfortable. Wrong or right. The difference between feeling a sensation over which you have no control, and making a conscious decision or judgment to act.

Let us dally YET AGAIN with false surmise; it’s become a beloved pastime. Lo:

Teachers are good, and leaders are good. We need teachers, because we’re born in ignorance. We come out of the womb knowing nothing but that we could use a strong drink, which is why we wail; as it is written: “There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” (Matthew 8:12) And we need leaders because we cannot count on ourselves to guide ourselves. If we don’t create a pyramid scheme and dedicate our lives to it, we’ll get lost in paradise.

I think the legal system is funny. I like the courts. I like judges and attorneys and juries and bailiffs and whatever else lurks within that sphere. I was looking at stories in the newspaper yesterday evening (we get a physical newspaper delivered to our house every day, by a very noisy car), and there was this article about a pop singer whose song was decreed, by a U.S. court, to be derivative of another song; and this latter song, which was the first published song of the songs in question, was said to belong to the genre of “Christian Rap”.

Now I myself am a huge fan of the so-called hip-hop that was being created and released around the last quarter of a century, from about 1977 to a little after 2000; which timespan I sum by the slang phrase “Late 80s Rap”; so this notion of Christian Rap interested me, because I hate Christianity; so to combine something I hate with something I love might be like spreading peanut butter on chocolate.

So what I did is seek out and listen to both of the songs (the two that were mentioned in the paragraph above the foregoing paragraph): the one that the court said was the original, and the one that the court said was the copy. I disliked them both; plus I thot that the court’s verdict was hogwash; but I like the idea of the judicial system having the final say in artistic matters, because it’s so wrong it’s right; so I went back and listened to both songs again, this time trying to enjoy them, and I succeeded in tolerating their ugliness. I also succeeded in changing my mind about Christianity: I like that scam too, now. It’s a good religion: it’s got sin and forgiveness and Paul and Jesus and God; plus much, much more! And women are given the old heave-ho off the boat. Like the story of Jonah who gets swallowed by a whale. It’s quite an accomplishment.

It also tickles me that capitalist money-worshipers get so bothered by the infringement of copyright. Copying is about the normallest thing in the world. As I muttered above: increase and multiply. It’s what God told the fishes to do when he fashioned their private parts: “Swim around, fill the ocean!—or rather refill it!”

So what if one of these great fishes — say the whale, Moby-Dick, who “vomited out Jonah upon the dry land” (2:10) — owns all the copyrights. Think about it: what is “copyright”? The right to copy. And how is copying accomplished? Via the Sex Act. Now, the Sex Act was passed by Divine Congress, in the beginning, as a way to screw everyone, cuz the world had run dangerously low on drunkards. The world was almost a dry drunk, which is the worst. And no one can drink like a fish — so that explains that.

For instance, Adam and Eve are the first man and woman; and after the serpent shows them how to fornicate properly, they bear Cain and Abel. Those are the first two human offspring. Now what if the serpent were to file a lawsuit against Jehovah God in the celestial courtroom claiming that his song titled “Cain” was a ripoff of Lilith’s original song titled “Adam”?

First, it would be absurd, because you can’t own the process of perversion (rutting); and, second, Jehovah God cannot be sued, because he’s the big judge presiding over the heavens. You can’t sue the judge — that’s impolite. Plus there’s videorecording of Jehovah stealing Lilith’s intellectual property by molding a mud man after his ex-wife’s blueprints.

So if I’ve proven my point here today, I hope that you all do at least three things: (1) send me money; (2) begin to believe in something, such as the Christian Religion, instead of paying all of your lip service to Science and Truth, which are much boringer idols than Jesus and Jehovah, if you think about it, because they’re all either metal or wood (books are paper, which is simply pulp from the evil forest of the night; but the Bible is good becuz it does not need to be read, no no: you only join the club and agree to say that you believe X-Y-&-Z; this way we save souls for the cost of many pages: for faith is a weapon); and finally (3) to consider that the countries we’re so angry about — Russia & China — are only trying to make the world more peaceful while enriching themselves, which is one step better than us, cuz we want war. If any other alien were to beat up our deity and commandeer this universe, we small fries who currently live our powerless existences under crumbling bridges would be happier and healthier. I’m not advocating for anything other than something you do not want.

And why did you get so angry when I called Jesus a prophet? Isn’t Jesus a prophet? Or were you OK with that label but you rejected the notion that he was ONLY a prophet? Perhaps you thought I was claiming that he was just Divinity’s mouthpiece and not an immortal iron statue himself. Did you think I was endeavoring to limit your landlord? God forbid! You mistook my sales pitch. I’m pro-rentier. My slogan has always been: You can’t simply overturn the entire Healthcare Insurance Industry and leave all those people jobless while the rest of the country heals & saves the world; NO: you can only overturn the entire manufacturing sector & leave THOSE people homeless & dying.

But what I’m hoping you’ll grant is that the prophets of the Hebrew Scriptures, which we Christians smartly christened “The OLD Testament” (note-to-self: If you wanna copy intellectual property with impunity, rebrand it perniciously — no one’s gonna actually read the contents of those ancient ne’er-do-wells; the Court only has enough patience to sit thru pop songs), I say, the Hebrew Prophets of the King James Bible are basically SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIORS. Are they not? They’re constantly carping about rich folk not redistributing their wealth, and creditors never forgiving debtors. And they assure us that the Living God hates churches.

So that is why I called poor Jesus a prophet. His words and deeds seem to fit that job description. (At least his secret government surveillance files, which became the official Gospels, back up my claim.) But perhaps I was wrong. So I apologize. Whenever you have some free time, please let me know why you think Jesus was MORE THAN a prophet — for I believe that you believe that he was a ghost; an invisible friend, or something like that? I wonder what you think that Jesus has in common with Orpheus, Dionysus, or with any of the other gods. He seems nothing like Jehovah. If Jehovah is rumored to have fathered Jesus, then Jesus is the first child who does not owe his parent any royalties when his song becomes a #1 hit on the sales charts, cuz he’s definitely not a chip off the old block: no copyright infringement was detected by our fraudometer.

(That last term should be pronounced like the word “thermometer” but with “fraud” in place of “therm”.)

P.S.

I love to copy definitions out of the dictionary because I find that humankind has the habit of forgetting what its own speech means; plus quotation is a form of legal theft, thus I’m enriching my text and enlarging my own literary wealth by stealing intellectual property from the domain of common resources. So, since, above, I employed the hyphenated mess “ne’er-do-well”, I thot that I should say, below, what it really means (it’s the term that I chose to use to describe the average applicant for the office of non-false prophet):

A being without a means of support; an idle, worthless person; a loafer; a soul who is ineffectual, unsuccessful, or lacking in merit; one who can literally never do well. Example: “That Nazirite’s up to no good; he’s a rogue.” Synonyms: nogoodnik; vagabond.