Before I begin, here: look at these two images that contain arrows. (I named their computer files "soss" and "cheez".)
Dear diary,
The first thing I aim to do in this entry is explain my latest coinage (I assume it’s mine cuz I ain’t never heard no other suckers use it yet). The other day, I wrote some textblobs where I philosophized naively. Now I can’t believe that I didn’t think of this trick back then; but, hey, better late than never — here’s the trick:
The vee and the ee in the word “naive” can be replaced with an eff, giving us “naif”. And the pee and the aitch at the penultimate and pole positions in the word “philosophy” can also both be replaced with effs as well, giving us “filosofy”. Finally, because the former of these resultant spellings ends with the selfsame letter that starts out the latter (eff, again) we can clusterfuck the words into naifilosofy, pronounced “knife·ah·LOSS·of·fee”.
So that’s my new term. To use it in a sentence, you could say: “Bryan Ray is my favorite naifilosofer, cuz his thots be so naifilosoficatious.”
Now a bad writer would conclude this entry by composing a number of paragraphs to serve as an example of this hot new realm of study; but I’m not that bad of a writer, so I’ll spare you the tedium. Instead, I’ll just talk about whatever comes to mind.
Against Strife
Well now that I’m finally awake, my first official thot of the day is about striving. Everyone’s always striving. Every country in the world is constantly at war with every other country because the businesspersons who own these countries each have a different idea about how the globe should spin. One thinks money should make the world turn THIS way; another thinks that money should make the world turn THAT way. We masters of the universe are always striving to achieve our ideal; we’re basically slaves to our ideal. Masters who are slaves!
My simple question is: Is it possible to dial back this striving, just a bit, so that we self-enslaved masters can enjoy longer smoke breaks? Cuz as it is presently, you have to vanquish your enemy in order to gain a fifteen minute pause, during which you can puff your pipe. But after that brief interval ends, the fight begins again; for your enemy has had ample time to regroup. Then, because you’ve grown soft over the interim, on account of your little victory celebration, your freshly hardened enemy vanquishes you. Thus, you, the former winner, now become the one who must spend time regrouping. That affords your hated enemy some minutes to light up & smoke: there he is right now, puffing his pipe, smirking at you contemptuously.
So this cycle of vanquishing-and-regrouping means that recreational breaks may be enjoyed by warring factions only bi-battlely (that is, every other skirmish). Thus I’m in favor of agreeing to a mutual tempering of our respective plans for galactic domination, because I suspect that this rigidity with which we conform to our individual control-freakishness has the unintended side-effect of minimizing the duration of our pipe-smoking leisure-interludes.
If I, the ruler of Country A, wish to destroy Country B because the look of its flag gets on my nerves when I’m smoking my pipe; and if you, the ruler of Country B, wish to destroy my own country for the exact same reason; then what we’re ultimately doing is allowing the persnicketiness of patriotic decorum to inhale all our puff-time. I say: let us learn to squint or something, when espying a flag, whether we spot yourn or y’all spot ourn — whatever must be done so that all nations can avoid feeling irked by these symbols that are set forth to ham up our Promised Lands.
Correction
Ah, I just realized the flaw in my solution. I’m essentially advocating ignorance. Think about it: I’m saying, “Ignore your enemy’s obvious evildoings.” But nobody can deny: their flag IS ugly. It’s got the wrong colors, the wrong shapes, the wrong composition… Plus their people dress funny & smell weird. Plus their music sux. Their movies are shit. And their language is like listening to a bird of prey drown in a bucket of sawdust.
In conclusion, I HATE the enemy. Seriously, bomb them into the Stone Age; that way, we’ll have time to smoke, while they regroup.
P.S.
(Ezekiel 37:1-10, The Valley of the Bones)
I don’t like that this entry harped so beautifully upon the concept of “regrouping”, so I now add the following prooftext, even tho I know that I’ve quoted it too often in the past already. I just think it’s fun to re-read:
The hand of the LORD was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the LORD, and set me down in the midst of the valley which was full of bones, and caused me to pass by them round about: and, behold, there were very many bones in the open valley; and, lo, they were very dry.
And he said unto me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”
And I answered, “O Lord GOD, thou knowest.”
Again he said unto me, “Prophesy upon these bones, and say unto them, O ye dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. Thus saith the Lord GOD unto these bones; ‘Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live: and I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I am the LORD’.”
So I prophesied as I was commanded: and as I prophesied, there was a noise, and behold a shaking, and the bones came together, bone to bone. And when I beheld, lo, the sinews and the flesh came up upon them too, and the skin covered them above: but there was no breath in them.
Then said he unto me, “Prophesy unto the wind! prophesy, son of man, and say to the wind: ‘Thus saith the Lord GOD; Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live’.”
So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived, and stood up upon their feet, an exceeding great army.
Recall that, in Genesis (2:7), the LORD breathed his breath into a handmade mud-sculpture, and the statue or idol came alive & stood on its legs as one single man (“And the LORD God formed Adam of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and Adam became a living soul”); whereas, in the abovequoted passage from Ezekiel, the LORD teaches his priest how to command the wind itself to breathe into a whole valleyfull of skeletons (who got skinned alive by the blast of a Doomsday Device) and make their dry bones wetten back to life. So:
- In the beginning of Genesis, the LORD manufactures one Adam.
- In the midst of Ezekiel, the LORD’s priest manufactures a whole army of Adams.
In other words, a deity is permitted to speak into existence no more than a single being, but that deity’s priest can speak into existence not just one fish but AN ENTIRE SET OF DELUXE FISHING POLES AND/OR NETS PLUS A MID-SIZED BOAT EQUIPPED WITH A TROLLING MOTOR AND A DOZEN MARINERS, A.K.A. FISHERS-OF-MEN and thus catch a whole legion of aquatic life and let it rot rather than distributing this wealth to the needy because government is inherently atheistic (only God is the bloody dictator) and taxation is theft (because the majority of the people themselves have not agreed to pool their funds in this way, since democracy is resurrection-retardant).
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