Dear diary,
If I could make my own world, this is how it would be:
I’d make it impossible for a man to sustain himself; then I’d put prisons everywhere. What would happen, therefore, is that a man would try to sustain himself; but then he’d fail, cuz that’s impossible; thus he’d end up in prison. Everyone would eventually end up in prison.
But what would be crucial for my world to work is that each man would need to be born outside of the prison, and to spend just enough time there to get someone pregnant.
And if his child gets born prior to its father’s imprisonment, that’s OK; but I wouldn’t want the kid to grow too old before the dad gets locked up. For, when a child ages, it begins to dislike its father; and the father naturally returns this dislike in kind. So there’s a limited amount of time — a “sweet spot” of development — when kids are young enough to be able to tolerate a father, while the father is still ignorant enough to believe in his children’s future.
But it would be preferable for the man to go to prison while his child is unborn — successfully conceived, yet still gestating. That way, the kid can enter the world while the father’s imprisoned: then we’d have a truly perfect world. For the kid would assume that it’s possible to sustain himself, while the father would remain on his best behavior in the prison — because the father would be thinking that if he behaves well and serves his sentence, the authorities might open the cage and let him out; thus he would get to see his child; and, if early enough, he might even help raise the kid.
Of course, in my world, nobody ever would get released from prison; but it would be good if all prisoners kept imagining that there is some hope of leaving legally, such as being released due to good behavior. This would be desirable, because presumably humankind would continue procreating, while at the same time they’d all keep funneling toward imprisonment, which is the ideal state:
A prisoner would be thinking, “I must behave well, work hard, and serve out my sentence, because my little child is waiting for me on the outside.” And the child would be thinking, “I must try to sustain myself, so that I don’t end up in prison like my father.”
So both parents and children would be on their best behavior. We’d have good, hard workers on the inside and on the outside; and when the outside workers arrive at a certain crisis, they’d become insiders. This plan is flaw-free.
*
The thing that sux about the real world, tho, is that people are cognizant of this trap; therefore they never procreate. People see that there’s no hope: they perceive that they’re being cajoled toward imprisonment; so, when an opportunity to procreate arises, they say: “No, thank you.” They would rather not foster new life, if it’s only going to be used to crowd more cages. That’s why the birth rate is low, and there’s barely any prisoners left in the system.
*
So it’s good that self destruction is so difficult. If it were easy to leave this world, I think more people would do so. That’s one thing that they did right, when they built this place: they made very few exits, and they’re all extremely hard to reach.
Think how many people would vanish in a puff of smoke, if all that you needed to do is write the pass-phrase “Take me to heaven, sweet Jesus” on a napkin, and God would personally whisk you away. No pain, no complications. I bet that everyone would do that.
As it is, however, if you wanna leave, you gotta first buy a gun, and then you gotta learn how to use it, which means spending countless weekends practicing at the target-shooting range. And then, when the big day arrives (which you have penciled upon your calendar in all capital letters), you point the barrel at your forehead, fire twice as directed; yet neither of the shots makes it thru your thick skull:
So now you gotta walk out of the bedroom, thru your living room, down the stairs, into the ammo room (leaving a trail of blood all the way), open up the ammo box, refill the gun’s chambers, and walk all the way back upstairs to try again. They say the third time’s a charm.
*
Also people are loath to commit self-slaughter because they imagine that to do so will have a negative effect upon the life of any loved ones who depend upon them.
Let me imagine some of these loved ones that supposedly depend upon others...
Say that a dying man receives daily attention from a nurse: she administers to him some painful treatment that keeps him alive. Now say the nurse writes a magic phrase on a napkin and the LORD kidnaps her into paradise. — What’s the dying man gonna do, now that his nurse is happy? There’s no one to administer his daily treatment! Thus he painlessly expires...
The dead man meets his nurse in heaven & they have a big argument about the bill:
—“Why should I pay you for that last day? you left early!” he shouts.
—“Fuck off, you old bag of bones,” the nurse replies.
*
Also, say that you own a luxury vehicle, like a sports car that can transform into a yacht at the press of a button. Now say this vehicle is on the fritz; so you bring it to a mechanic, and the mechanic gets 99% of the way thru the repair, so that all he needs to do is screw in one last screw, in order for your ride to be fully functioning again; yet he decides instead to slip on a splotch of grease and land on his head, thus instantly murdering himself. — You enter the shop & see his body on the floor, lying in a pool of blood & grease. So you walk over to your sports vehicle & press the button that should transform the thing into a yacht, but nothing happens: the luxury car just remains a luxury car; and its horn plays the Song of the South.
*
Moreover, if students lose their teachers, then they’ll have less left to unlearn. (This could be tragic.)
*
Companies that make pastries would go out of business if there’s no one left to eat anything. This is an example of a situation where unemployment keeps pace with the lack of demand. But I look at it as the exception that proves the rule; cuz I’d prefer that all the Boss Men remain alive and keep awarding themselves yuge bonuses.
*
& Franklin Delano Roosevelt was an American politician who served as the President of the United States from 1933 until he committed suicide in 1945. Now, when he got elected to his fourth term, he knew that he was immediately going to assassinate himself, so whoever he chose to be his Vice Prez (which is the one who must clean up the mess when the Main Prez quits) would essentially be the next sucker. So I blame Franklin Roosevelt for making a sucker out of Harry Truman even tho Henry Wallace suckt harder.
*
Yet if a robber dies while being pursued by a cop, then the cop is held liable for the amount of banknotes that the robber was able to rob, just like when a family of four Convervative Republicans (two parents, two children) dine at a restaurant and then sneak away without paying the bill, it’s the waitress’s problem: the amount of their bill is subtracted from her paycheck; and all the tips for that evening go to the busboy.
MORAL. Any manager has only one job: to harass.
On the other hand, if the situation were reversed, so that, instead of the robber dying while being chased by the cop, the cop were to die while chasing after the robber, then the robber gets off scot-free, on account of MORAL #2:
MORAL #2. All cops must answer to the law that they swore to uphold, whereas a robber defies all laws & answers only to society.
*
And yet, who are “the People”? I mean, when we say “We the People of the blah-blah-blah do find ourselves in a pickle” — who is this group that we have referred to here as “the People”? Is it me? Is it you? — No, “the People” neither write nor read; they barely even listen when spoken to.
Actually, I’m only kidding — “the People” DOES include you & me. The full, sincere answer to the above question is that “the People” consists of all five of the following groups:
- coal heavers,
- saw mill operators,
- hatters,
- weavers,
- diggers.
That’s pretty much everyone. The only people not included in “the People” are the important people who make and break “the People”, as it is written:
. . . a rising class of important people needed to enlist on their side enough Americans to defeat England without disturbing too much the relations of wealth and power that had developed over 150 years of colonial history.
That’s a quote from “Tyranny is Tyranny”, the fifth chapter of A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn. Whenever I read it, I imagine “wealth and power” personified, reclining in a hotel room, with a “do not disturb” sign hanging outside their door.
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