Rehash

Here I am: a broken record; skipping, playing the same fragment over and over. I'm obsessed with the idea of basic needs. Food, clothing, shelter, medical care. I don't want to talk about these things from any of the current political lenses, however: I want to look at them as plainly as possible, from a naïve perspective: 

Here I am, hunched in an apartment and wearing clothes; there are canned goods in the cupboards and maybe something edible in the refrigerator. If I injure myself, I'll be whisked away to a hospital by an ambulance and then bankrupted by the charge: this will prevent me from being able to pay rent, thus I'll be evicted from my dwelling-place; leaving me with the clothes on my back and maybe a selection of non-perishables to push around in a cart until someone steals it. 

But what about these clothes: this ill-fitting shirt and these blue-jeans. These sox, these untied shoes, and this windbreaker. Where did they come from? Who manufactured them? 

I can't say where any of the products that meet my basic needs originated. They just appear in the marketplace, and I use money to buy them. 

But what if I made my own clothes, grew my own food, and built my own house? 

Or what if, at least, I knew the people who created these necessities for me!? Then I'd feel protective of actual individuals and families in my community: I'd want to make sure that they themselves stayed alive, so that I myself could stay alive. — But, as it is, I'm clueless about who keeps me going in this life; and if the flow of goods were to stop, I'd not know what to do or where to go to get my needs met... I'm truly living on a prayer.

*

What would I need to do to become self-reliant in terms of clothing? I'd need, first, to acquire possession of a plantation wherein I could grow cotton; because all clothes are made from woven cotton. So my priority would be to buy a whole workforce of employees to plant and harvest a cotton crop for me. That's easy: I can just purchase them using my credit card. Then, when the year's yeild appears in a medium-sized pile of off-white cotton, which my workers will have deposited on my area rug, I'd feed the raw material into my loom, and you'd see a fashionable tunic come out with a tight warp and woof.

Alternately I could trap a sheep and then shave it and use its wool to make a sweater. But then I'd need to figure out some way to feed the creature. Plus I'd need to acquire dye as well as knitting utensils.

So let's say that I go with the plantation option, just to keep things simple. Now, the next quandary is: How do I get my food? (I ask this question because we're proceeding down the list of basic necessities; wondering how I might satisfy each one, if left to my own devices; and we've already crossed out the first item: stylish garb — thus, next up is: fine cuisine.) —For physical sustenance, I'd grow potatoes and peas in a garden. Also I would own a cow, who would provide me with fresh cottage-cheese. Then I'd plant carrots and celery and broccoli in various pots that I would display throughout my abode. (I shall tell you how I constructed my abode in the subsequent paragraphs: for now, just trust me that I built one.) Also I'd need to drape vines over everything, so that I can have grapes to make wine. And orange trees so that I am able to make screwdriver cocktails with the vodka from my potatoes... 

Jeez, now that I think about it, I'd also need to raise up chickens from scratch, so that I could fry their eggs. Additionally I'd need flour to make biscuits (the butter for the biscuits would come from my cow whose name is Lil; and I could just borrow the salt from the nearby ocean, as long as the government's army doesn't barricade me from doing so). Then dijon mustard and vegetable broth will be required to make gravy, plus I'll need to dig a well for a fresh source of water. Also I'd dedicate a section of my garden for black beans, and then I'd use Lil again (that's my cow) for the shredded "Mexican-style" cheese on my burrito. I guess I'd need corn too, to make the tortilla.

Where do snack nuts come from? I'll need snack nuts as well. And tomatoes and pepper for Bloody Marys (those are another type of cocktail that I'm accustomed to drinking periodically).

I guess that's all, for food.  So I'm fed & clothed. — Now for my shelter:

I'll need to gain access to the Amazon rainforest so that I can chop down about fifteen trees. Big cedars, preferably. Then I'll run the raw logs thru our local sawmill to cut them into usable lumber. Then I'll use fasteners and glue to hold my ranch-house together. Having a bulldozer would be ideal, if I desire to level the foundation; but that's not essential — I'm not picky about whether my house turns out tilted or not: I can make do with whatever grade of dirt I find, on the spot of land where I choose to set up shop. 

First I'd pour the concrete into the shape of cinder blocks, then I'd mix up the mortar, which I created before we started filming today by mixing slime and bitumen. Then I'd add the wooden studs, sixteen inches on center, all around the tabernacle; and finally place the roof on the top. I'd like a big roof, so that the rain and snow don't land on my furniture. This would require me to make a good type of tar-based sealant: I could maybe use the leftover coal from my mining operation to manufacture this: I'd just heat it using a chemical apparatus; then smear it under the shingles, so that my roof doesn't leak. 

Now I'd use a hand-trolley to wheel into my house all the crates of food that I produced this summer, and of course I'd lay out an area rug, where my employees can arrange the cotton that they picked from my plantation, which I'll eventually weave into beautiful coats and maybe even dye them multicolored (if I can find a way to make dye — maybe I'd crush & dry my tomatoes and blueberries). 

*

Are you now noticing this coffee table that I'm kicking my boots up on, with my legs crossed, while drinking my beverage? Yes, yes: people ask me about this piece of furniture all the time. It's a prized possession, and entirely homemade. I'll tell you how I engineered it (did you know that I went to college for engineering?) — this table was fashioned out of a piece of driftwood that washed up on the shoreline of my lakeside property. I just poured epoxy all over it, and laminated its surface; then I stained it and sanded it down, and I filled its cracks with a mixture of sawdust and glue.

The other thing that helps me remain self-sufficient is that I learned how to treat minor cuts and bruises, all by myself: I just use various ointments and suturing techniques; thus I'll never need to visit a doctor or brain-surgeon again. For instance, every time I accidentally slice my wrist with a rusty razor while carving a puppet (for my side-business is "Master of Puppets"), I can heal myself — or, whenever I place safety last by forgetting to utilize a push stick to guide a piece of wood thru my table saw and thus end up severing all of my fingers from their respective right and left palms, I can simply use my knowledge of ornamental needlework and holistic/spiritual healing to reattach each finger to its stump: Now all my digits work just fine — look: I wiggle them as I say this: Here are my hands, grasping and groping: I reach them towards you.