Malls vs. Markets

There is no difference between malls and markets. Each sells various types of animal meat. Some of the meat is draped over dowel rods and displayed behind windows. Sometimes you’ll see that the meat has been cut into cubes and is resting on a plate.

The owner of the market or mall is a man who slaughters animals, dresses their flesh, and sells their substance. This man may prepare standard cuts of poultry for sale in retail food outlets. The same man may own multiple malls and fish marts; even strip malls, miniature (“mini”) malls, & supermarkets; also grocery stores, butcher shops, and upscale vendors known as 100% voluntary slaughterhouses; for most animals are self-employed.

People who browse around markets and malls are called shoppers. When a shopper is ready to make a purchase, she approaches the man who owns the mall or marketplace and asks him to sacrifice its living creatures. He fulfills this request by performing the necessary tasks on an assembly line, as politely as possible, all by himself. For he is a specialist. Or I probably should have said DIS-assembly line, as there is a time for every purpose under heaven.

First, the mall owner dazes the beast with a mechanism known as a “stunner”; this renders the animal incapacitated. Then the mall owner severs the carotid arteries to facilitate blood removal. He may lick his fingers during this stage. Then comes the skinning — the removing of the hide or pelt — plus the scalding and dehairing, and finally the evisceration (removing the being’s viscera). Before offering the purchase to the customer in a large plastic bag, the owner of the market splits the carcass in half longitudinally. This is achieved with a standard ax. And the bag is transparent.

Some of the carcasses feel cold to the tip of your tongue. Others are known as “hot-boned”. Most malls and markets prefer to minimize wastage; that’s why the man who owns all of them devised a method of preservation called “vacuum packing”; and he thanks God on his knees for low-cost transportation. (Misers often praise the LORD.)

Everywhere you look, there is lukewarm meat in a variety of cuts.

The malls in North America are superior to the markets of West Europe. This is scientific and factual. For proof: in Europe, fatback is considered an important primal cut of pork; whereas, in America, it is regarded as trimmings to be rendered into lard. — So, there you have it: it turns out that Darwin was right, after all.

We should also talk about sausage-making. Remind me later.

OK, so, when malls and markets began to manage mankind, domesticated livestock such as cattle, swine, and sheep were compelled to farm-raise foreign game species such as bison, elk, and deer. Hence the shoestring budget. The communication sector of this master/slave relationship officially referred to itself as “one big happy family”; and the latter embraced the former as “beloved siblings”, using the masculine term “brethren” exclusively, as females were shunned. This is traditional — I am the messenger, which is Hebrew for “angel”. (The ruling class declined to comment on this truth.)

Fresh Meat is what results immediately after the slaughter, when one eats it right there on the spot, without chilling or freezing it. The mall offers a version of this experience in the Upper Food Court. 

Pork is the most popular meat in the world. 

And everyone thinks of beef, when someone yells “Red meat!” — Whoever you are, you’re probably imagining cattle, this instant. (If not, just dream of a juicy, sizzling steak.)

Most modern malls and markets will feature attractive displays of lamb and mutton. Oftentimes chicken and turkey will be available. Keep your eye out for venison, as well.

When shopping for a used cow, remember to look for the chuck cut. Chuck is from the front upper section of the beast, which gets a lot of movement. Also recommended is the rib cut. I myself prefer the short loin; my executive producer likes the sirloin; our production coordinator goes for the round cut; and our wives and children always order the brisket. Then, for seconds and thirds (and beyond), we share the fore shank and the short plate.

Sliced beef, jellied beef loaf, jellied corned beef, deviled ham, Goetta sausage, chopped ham loaf, ham and cheese, headcheese, honey loaf, luncheon meat, macaroni and cheese bowl, minced luncheon spread, Mortadella bologna, old fashioned automobile, skewered olive, pepper shaker, dill pickle. (I’m just copying words from the Internet, at this point.)

What are the six different types of meat? What is the best type of meat? What is every type of red meat known to man? What are several byproducts of bovines? What are the four primal cuts of beef? What are the three grades of beef? Name ten different types of mystery meat used in the hospitality industry. What is the most popular meat? (HINT: the answer is “Pork”.) Are eggs meat? What do the two most classical meats have in common?

Let’s get in our car and drive to the mall. Find the marketplace inside the food court. Park the car and climb out its windows. Enter the restaurant, purchase a dish: Tell the clerk at the takeout register: “I’d like a pork roast — braised shoulder.” Snap a photo of the meal with our mobile computing device and share it online. Let our caption read: “A Wonderful Feast that lasted from 09 May 2022 to 26 Dec 2019”. Then buy a Prime Rib Roast from the mini-mall next to the mega-mall and eat it standing up. 

Ham Bone. Cooked Shank. Mushroom Gravy. Beef Wellington. Pork Rack With Mushroom Pan Sauce.

Dinner parties.

END OF POEM

Breaking it down, we have portions of duck breast, duck wings and duck legs. The innards are referred to as “offal” and given to the family dog.

Not only do we have ground pork but we also have bacon, pork chops, rib chops, baby back ribs, ham steaks, and brats filled with beer and/or jalapeno cheddar.

All of us are high on vitamin B1 & omega-6 fatty acids.

Mexican Meat Mall is the section of a market that sells all kinds of…

We also buy seafood and more!

Von Hanson’s Meats on Duckwood Drive. 

St. Paul Meat Shop in St Paul, Minnesota.

Hometown Meats is closed. I just looked at their hours, and it says: “Opens at 9AM. Staff required to disinfect surfaces between visits.”

God himself visited the shop this morning and remarked “Beef sticks are excellent and the lunch meat is quality boar’s head. But I only eat vegans.”

Wow! My husband and I have never agreed on anything. We are avid mall-&-market shoppers; thus we held hands and kissed each other today for the first time. After that, we bought a large variety of items from brat-fish to pork burgers. My husband draped me in cheese, etc... We spent the whole night grilling for passersby on 80th Street, by the shoreline, which is where we’ve been hanging out lately. A creature then emerged from the ocean & completely blew us away — it was by far the best pork item we’ve ever had! Also, the coconut & lemon butter fish was out of this world. Even the bacon-wrapped asparagus was remarkable! Four out of five stars from us! Can’t wait to try the rest of our haul. (I bought an edible bikini!) The staff was incredibly friendly as well! We will absolutely be back!