Here are the organs that my hospital suggests you donate: arms, hands, ears, livers, kidneys, thighs, and throats. If you’re not comfortable making a donation, you can simply lend out your organs until you need them back.
You can also use the Internet to auction off your body and its parts. I sold Debbie Gibson my spleen, and then I used an online dating application to marry Frank Gifford.
What you see rolling on the tabletop here is my marble eye, which just arrived in the mail — I traded in my real eyes for it.
And this brand new mechanical claw that I’m using to hold my Martini was given to me by Mister Luke Skyland, who starred in the famous motion picture Space Battles (1977). You may also have noticed that my robotic voice-box is from that same film: it’s the one used by the villain, Darth Stephen Hawking, who is more machine than man. He bequeathed it to me. The thing’s actually a modified aqualung from a diving suit.
Now, would you like to watch me empty this loaded caulking gun?
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