At a televised press conference, I gave a fiery speech in support of monogamy. Then I ran off with two hookers and bought four hours of sex.
I’m from a zone that’s so terrifying, not even the sky will go there. The only snow we know is called cocaine.
I take a bulldozer to the grassland, annihilate all pasture and replace it with the ghetto.
Now you and I engage in a contest to see which of us can count higher. I go all the way to ten, but you stop at five. Therefore I put a curse upon you that causes your body to become abnormal.
It’s common knowledge that you are the most whiny member of your riot-girl band.
Look: I’m leaning against your vehicle, shirtless. Watch as I casually flip up your car’s dirt guard and prop it like that, and just leave it, so that dirt can freely enter.
You wanna know what I look like? Think of Emilio Estevez. Think of Gloria Estefan, or Jennifer Lopez. That’s what I look like.
And I blame the French metaphysician René Descartes for inventing compact discs.
Have you ever seen that U.S. fantasy television franchise called “Xena: Warrior Princess”? Well I’m Xena’s body double. I also stunt-double booty shots for Cher in music videos.
Check this out: I got a tattoo of a bruise on my arm.
I wear soft leather Bally Pearce Loafers that cost 700 dollars, whereas you wear regular shoes.
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