Let the following replace the entry for “Lobster” in every encyclopedia.
Lobster
Check out this info. All of us lobsters are large crustaceans. Two sensory antennae. Our soft parts are shell-covered. Watch this. See that? I have compound eyes on moveable stalks. My whole tail is edible. And I have wondrous birthing habits: I lay ninety thousand eggs at a time; and my young don’t even resemble me.
I’m an ocean man: I prefer to dwell in the seawater. Other aquatic creatures are my relatives: all the crabs ever born are my brothers, and all the shrimp are my sisters and lovers.
Once I accidentally chopped my leg off; but I simply grew another one, in the same spot.
My meat is commercially desirable, but that’s why I have these pincer-like claws and feet. Are you a marine merchant? No? Ah, I’m glad to hear that you’re just a gentle reader. Marine merchants bother me. Anyway, yeah, I got these pincers, and then look at this: I have six pairs of jaws — but that’s not all: keep looking further… you see that I have teeth even in my stomach!
You might know me by different names, depending on whether you live in Manhattan or the Bronx. But it’s not where you’re from, it’s where you’re at. Or rather where you’re headed. Which is why every lobster wears protective armor called an exoskeleton. That’s so that nobody can learn her many secrets.
My body is divided into two distinct regions. Over here, we got the cephalothorax; and over here is my abdomen. I’m not finished growing yet — that’s why I’m presently engaged in the process of moulting; right now, I’m removing my exoskeleton and looking to inherit one that’s bigger and better. This act of coming down to the nook by the reef and becoming undisguised and naked is dangerous, because, while I’m not wearing my armor, bluefish can swim by and kiss me. (That’s why I fucking hate bluefish.) So why don’t you just stay here in my den with me until my exoskeleton grows back?
NOTE. The reader declined to embrace the lobster because, and I quote: “You look like a giant bug.”
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