Let the following replace the entry for “Mardi Gras” in every encyclopedia.
Mardi Gras
“You’re very excited about something. Perhaps it’s in the air. Perhaps you shouldn’t have opened the window. Close it. — See how quiet it is now? See how easily one can shut away excitement? Just by closing a window. Remember that.”
—Ballin Mundson, from the movie Gilda (1946)
Before I begin to teach you about the subject that you came here for, let me list a few of my recent inventions.
I invented the peanut. I invented flour. I invented breakfast food. I invented cosmetics, caffeine, sweet potatoes and soybeans. But I never sold any of my inventions commercially, and I never wrote down the secret ingredients of any of their recipes. I also invented peanut butter cups. I’m in the Hall of Fame as a Great American. I have my own national monument, where I’m mounted on a horse. You can measure the size of your head against my thigh.
I invented fertile soil. This was the result of all my experiments with wasted soil. So, hard work pays off. I now own more than 300 potatoes and peanut products.
OK, now let’s talk about Mardi Gras. Put the children to bed.
§
I like to sing this song, any time I feel happy:
It’s a catchy tune, don’t you agree? Alright, so that weird name Mardi Gras simply means Fat Tuesday. The reason is obvious. I think it’s French.
Every year, we spend the day before Lent celebrating en masse wearing fancy costumes. The women are beautiful, and their garb is revealing; you get to see a lot of forearms, a lot of shapely shoulders and ankles…
This day is a real big deal. Actually, why am I saying “day” — it’s over a full week of nonstop action. People are parading, windsurfing, cruising around on floats, wearing tassels… Marching bands are jazzing the atmosphere… All this builds to a screaming climax: The float-riders toss necklaces and doubloon coins to pant-suited career-moms in the studio audience.
Each year there’s a new theme. This time, it was about how nothing has fundamentally changed since the Roman Empire, and matters can never get better: humankind is doomed.
You and I should go to confession, sometime. Do a joint session. (Have you noticed that nobody binge drinks anymore?)
My favorite part of Mardi Gras is the feasting and merriment. And, like I said above, when it finally ends, then you have Lent. That’s fun. I chose to abstain from Black Friday for Lent, this time around.
Ritual partying followed by sophisticated regrets. — It’s pure marketing genius. This ends today’s lesson.
No comments:
Post a Comment