Let the following replace the entry for “Skeleton” in every encyclopedia.
Human Skeleton
The skeletal system provides the basic framework to support your bowels, and it protects your brain. Look at your inner organs: they’re so delicate. I like the colors.
Bone and cartilage play an important role in the human skeleton. Like we did with our lobster, I suggest that we split this thing in two. We’ll call these parts in this neighborhood here “the appendicular zone”; and all this area over here we’ll say belongs to “the axial region”.
As for the axial, note that I placed my palm on the skull when I said that word; so this domain shall include the head area — but that’s not all: it also gets the vertebral columns, the sternum and ribs.
The appendicular part of the skeleton should include the shoulder and hip girdles. And let’s make the skeletons that we send to male scientists slightly different than the ones that girl scientists receive — that’ll drive them nuts, trying to sort that out, ha ha.
Now let’s count how many pieces our individual skeletal sets came with. What is your total? Two hundred and six? That sounds about right. Join them together with ligaments, and then attach all the muscles: they should stick directly to the bone, I think. — No? You’re having trouble with yours? Hmm, maybe your kit’s defective. I’ll call the company in a sec. First, let me mention that the body’s longest and strongest bone is the one in the upper leg. You don’t want to break that: I’m sure it would hurt. His birth name is Mister Femur. (I can tell that it’s a masculine-male bone, cuz look at that thing: that’s tough! It hurts my knuckles to knock it.) And then we got the patella, tibia, and fibula.
OK, I just got off the phone with the Skeleton Manufacturing Company, and I told them how stressed you were about all this science crap, because of all the assembly that is required, combined with the lack of instruction manuals, so they gave me this helpful little jingle to ease your burden:
They also said that they would replace your bad parts at no charge. They said that it’s normal for those sixty-four pieces to have fused: that’s how they are engineered to fit. And the really weird-shaped bone that you found is not a mistake. It probably goes somewhere around the pelvis or the ear.
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