Setting the Table for Dinner is Much Like Tennis

Setting the table for dinner is much like tennis. First, you throw the dishes over the net, which divides the court. Then, just like a tennis ball, the tablecloth is yellow or green in hue. And, in tennis, you can play the game either solo or with a team member, two against two; likewise, you can eat dinner alone or with tablemates: a pair of enemies on either side of the razor-wire fence. 

Using a knife to carve the turkey is like cheating in tennis.

White tennis shoes remind me of drinking glasses filled with milk. And the strings on a tennis racket are made from filaments of nylon, which is reminiscent of the polyurethane found in most cuisine; also think of the various desserts that contain Zyex, Vectran, and Kevlar. 

Stay-fresh ziplock seals for leftovers are just like Andre Agassi’s wife Brooke Shields. (I understand that they technically broke up in 1999, but I do not accept this.) 

Most importantly, “love” is a term used in tennis instead of the words “nil” or “zero” to describe an absence of points; for instance, a game score of “30 to 0” is voiced as “thirty love” — this corresponds to the intense affection that people feel for good food. 

A seasoned player like the aforesaid Mr. Agassi will serve the ball to his opponent using the same technique that a server in a restaurant will employ to set spoons and forks upon the table; and, once either individual finishes his task, we notice that both the tennis player and the waiter are now drenched in sweat.