On Halloween, you put on a disguise and walk from house to house in your neighborhood, ringing each doorbell. When the door opens, you threaten to play a trick unless you’re given a treat.
One year, I went trick-or-treating dressed as Natalie Portman’s character from Hotel Chevalier (2007). Every older male politician in my neighborhood, upon answering the door, would clutch the sides of my arms and inhale deeply of my hair.
Another time, I chose to go out as Tickle Me Elmo — are you familiar with that reference? The children’s TV show Sesame Street had a red furry Muppet named Elmo on its cast; and a toy manufacturer created a plush doll of this character which, when squeezed, would tremble and giggle. So I dressed up as this toy, whose marketers gave it the brand-name that I mentioned above: “Tickle Me Elmo”. The long and short of it is that, instead of giving me hugs, to which I would have responded with my signature falsetto laugh, the surrounding streetwalkers would not stop elbowing me.
Moreover, at a certain part of our door-to-door travels on that cold night, a 22-year-old male appeared out of the darkness, and he was wearing big fake bazongas under his shirt. He drew near to all of us Halloween participants and gawked at us while lurking from one child to the next. He might have just been trying to figure out what our costumes were supposed to be; but this creeped us out, because the presence of large bazongas is intimidating to children.
But why is the traditional saying “trick or treat”? It clearly should be “trick and treat”. For the youth have learned that committing war crimes does not prevent one from being awarded the Peace Prize. No one remarks about the rabblement: “Let them have cake, but criminalize the act of simultaneously savoring what they save.” For otherwise the code is computed as “else trick, treat”. Or rather “if trick but then treat”. Or something like that.
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