Pilgrims

OK, now it’s time to talk about the pilgrims. They were the first mariners to bear offspring for the Americas, which once were India. A great spirit blew their ship to shore (wind means spirit). This seacraft’s name was The Merry Galician; it was the trifold sailboat of Cristopher Lumbus, who was the pilgrims’ Captain Ahab.

So they landed on the land. These folks were the ones I warned you about: they’re the focus of this section of our Thanksgiving Essay. They made our country great again, which caused the natives to applaud. Then an annual festival was dreamt up by these voyagers. After befriending the former residents of India, they invited them to dine with them on their property. They really had fun. And, to this day, it remains a tradition at holiday feasts (as in the prior section, “Turkey”) for families to imitate the dress and behavior of those ancient travelers: The pilgrims all wore top hats with gold crucifixes, and black pirate shirts with white frills. They also sported a pre-coin version of penny loafers and guzzled oil-drums of red rum.