Guadalajara

It’s a country with palm trees and water; so, please, bathe yourself. There are good hotels with clean carpeting, and trinkets for tourists. If you actually do visit Guadalajara, you must see the coast, whose waves are crashing. Come along, join me — I promise it will be safe. Bring your extended family, old and young. We’ll have a patient vacation. Sit down, be still. Watch the tropical birds flutter before us. What are you murmuring to yourself, over there? Do you wish that you had brought your can opener, water whistle, or branched candlestick? Why not ask one of the local clerks to help you out?

OK, now that you’re all situated, let’s take a group-stroll down to La Tarahumara Market, which is a Mexican Grocery Store in Downtown Greeley, Colorado. 

Next, let’s visit the restaurant La Hacienda del Bosque. I’ll order for you. “My friend here would like to eat a dish called ‘La Cervelat Roja’ — do you have something like that, or did I mispronounce the name? I think it should be a type of pepperoni hotdog.”

Lastly, we go to La Rondalla, a cantina on Valencia Street in San Francisco. You end up climbing onstage and singing “La Cucaracha by Franz Kafka,” a popular German folk song about a cockroach who treks to the historic Crocus Hill area at Dale and Grand Avenue, where he discovers a wonderful district of dining and shopping plus his own cozy private booth. 

FINAL FACT: This realm is better than Puerto Rico, Peru, or Ibiza.