The Arm

Early in the morning I was tending the farm. When I entered the cow shed, I spotted something unusual crawling around on the ground. The thing was incredibly fast, and it was scrambling directly towards me — when it got closer, I could see that it was a human arm, detached and bodiless. So I tried to run, but this disembodied arm grabbed onto my leg, which made me fall over into a trough whose contents were muddy. Now the arm began climbing up my back: I shouted “Go away!” but it didn’t heed my words because it could not hear them. So I got out of the trough and tried to run again, but the arm had now made it up to my neck and was gripping my throat with its hand. I stumbled outside the barn like this, shrieking as loud as I could. Nearby was a bale of hay, out of which a pitchfork was jutting; so I headed towards it. The arm was squeezing hard, cutting off my breath. When I made it within a foot of the hay bale, I fell down unconscious from lack of air. Yet, luckily, when I dropped, I happened to land in a manner that caused the pitchfork’s metal tines to impale the arm; therefore its hand loosened its grip, and I was saved alive.

This episode scared me intensely. Now, instead of rejoicing that my aggressor had been vanquished, I continued to feel great fear, reasoning to myself as follows: Anything that happens once might happen again. Therefore I ran to fetch my pistol, to protect myself properly. But, just after I had tucked the gun in my pants, a long arm with a hand at the end of it came and started squeezing me tight. Now, when I tried to pull the pistol out from where I had lodged it beneath my belt buckle, the weapon accidentally discharged into my groin. Then the assailing arm began cannibalizing my own arm that was holding the gun; this made it hard to aim at and shoot the attacking appendage: I kept missing. — So that’s how my right eye and my right testicle got blasted away. 

Moral

Always make sure the safety switch is engaged when concealing a firearm on your person, so as to prevent the gun from hitting targets that you did not intend to shoot. This is an important precaution to follow, even when fighting mutant body parts on a farm. Also: aim away from yourself, whenever you discharge your weapon.