03 April 2023

The Bill (Burt the Plumber, pt. 9)

“I’m Burt the Plumber; do you like my hair? Here, now I give you this bill for my services — the charge is as follows: $15 dollars for fixing the drain; $5 for cleaning out the hair clippings and birdseed; $25 for all my hard and heavy labor; $15 for the manger refill; $30 for having to bury your pet; $9 for mending your lightning rod; $10 for facing my death by drowning; $12 dollars for digging my wrench back up; $2 for having to itemize this list; $1 dollar penalty for each time you called me Pete (because my name is Burt, and you really should know that by now); another $9 for having to put up with your spouse; $14 for maintenance to the septic tank; and $10 dollars to buy some replacement overalls.”

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