Furnace Filter

If you’re tired of breathing dust, there is a new style of eastern spirituality that you should believe in: it’s called Furnace Filter. It will not knock your life out of orbit; it will only help you improve the quality of your respiration — no different than holding an old rag up to your mouth. And it’s fun to give to your kids on the morning of Christmas. Yes, your whole family will finally like you, mom. Simply sponge off the gnats and viruses once bi-yearly, and stop flying into a rage every couple of hours. You’ll know that the device is working when all of your terminal illnesses go up in smoke. Furnace Filters are the next big thing. Entirely rectangular — surprisingly alluring. But I must stop now; my spleen just ruptured.