Pole Vault

What follows is a true story; I swear, with God as my witness: 

I was in attendance at the National Track Championship, doing the high jump. After I won and broke the record, I went up into the stands and watched the rest of the events with a bunch of excited ladies — there were sixteen hundred women there to accompany me. So we were up in the bleachers looking down at the pole-vault event. And this one pole vaulter went up in the air, but then we noticed something was terribly wrong. “Oh no! He’s going to pass away!” said the ladies who were with me. And, sure enough, instead of the man falling into the padded bed, he came down and landed head-first on the concrete. There was lots of blood, and he died.