The History of My Drug Use

I started out on soda pop laced with caffeine. Then I graduated to menthol cigarettes. After that, I tried drinking beer, which I loved; and then I moved on to weed, also known as marijuana. Now, weed is officially labeled “the gateway drug”; this means that it opens up the doors to many hallways that lead to even more potent substances — therefore, after trying weed, I started chewing the snuff. And eventually I discovered magic mushrooms and psychedelic acid. Soon I was smoking crack rock out of clear vials with my fellow scientists; and we began to experiment with mixing our drugs, to help them achieve a stronger effect: We fused together various types of street dope until they tasted extremely sour. After that, I began filling myself with heroin. At this point, my entrepreneurial instincts awoke, and I started a small business to sell my drugs. This led me to start abusing my employees. Ultimately I joined forces with certain government-adjacent organizations and took up arms against the workforce. We engaged in assassinations and continuous acts of war. But then I became severely anxious, so I started taking Paxil, a brand of paroxetine, and that was the best dope yet. However, due to its side effects, Paxil rendered me homicidally psychopathic and impotent. So then I got a job as a psychiatrist.