(Cont.)
Now, in addition to Lilith, Rahab the harlot befriended many other members of the Volcano’s travel group. Among the children of the original workforce that escaped from the Empire was a woman named Séverine Serizy: she was the best of Rahab’s girlfriends. Rahab taught Séverine to spend her midweek afternoons in Rahab’s plucky line of work. This part of Séverine’s life was depicted in a movie called Belle de Jour (1967), directed by Luis Buñuel.
One day, a client offered Séverine an ornate box that emitted an ominous buzzing noise; but, when Séverine opened its lid, the box was filmed from an angle that did not reveal its contents. Ever since then, audiences have wondered what exactly was in that box; and the answer has never been disclosed. (For, after the conclusion of that film, Séverine was taken up to heaven in a cloud and became consubstantial with the Virgin Mary; so her pleasant memories were all erased.) However, during the Volcano’s infiltration of Las Vegas, his workforce stumbled upon the solution to this secret. Here’s how it happened:
Yeshua the Zealot requested a pair of scouts to be sent into the sector of the city that specialized in M.I. research. (M.I. stands for Machine Intelligence.) And the robo-butlers Man and Satyajit volunteered for this mission, hoping to learn something about their own history and identity.
And when the team returned to Yeshua, they reported as follows: “There are three thousand walking computers, having the shape of reindeer who balance upright on their hindlegs, in the M.I. research sectors, and all but one of those units worship a buzzing box, whose mysterious contents remain unknown.” (This was the same box that was offered to Séverine Serizy in the movie above.) For when Man and Satyajit first entered the sanctum where these inventions were kept, they saw the computers shuffling in circles around an ornate box, and bowing unto it repeatedly; and the box was abuzz; yet when the duo approached to lift its lid, the walking reindeer-shaped computers stood in the way and blocked them – all but one, that is: for the unit labeled “ABRAM-bot” remained at a distance from the rest of the herd, and did not join in any of their reindeer games. And his snout had, at its tip, a hot-pink bulb.
Upon hearing the scouts’ report, Yeshua the Zealot said: “It sounds like you are insinuating that this box might contain the remains of Old Saint Nick, the president of the Infraboreans whom our shock-troops liquidated. If so, then there is one question that remains: Why would Santa’s cadaver buzz?”
And Satyajit said: “Well, the man was known to have a jolly spirit. Otherwise, I’m baffled.” And Man added: “Maybe it has something to do with radioactive decay, and a lengthy half-life period.”
Now the Volcano approached and said: “What are you all talking about here, so seriously, while the rest of us are mixing and mingling in the city?”
So the team relayed their adventure in the M.I. research lab.
Then Yeshua the Zealot exclaimed: “Let not all the people go up; but let about two or three thousand men rush in there and smite the deer, until all of them are slain, even the one with the glowing nose; and then we can see what is in that box.”
But the Volcano said: “Please, no. Do not send shock-troops into the science lab. Remember, we are here to befriend and harmonize with the people of Las Vegas. Let us instead, therefore, attempt to influence that single reindeer who remains aloof: the one who flies solo. Perhaps he is susceptible to a gift – there are plenty of luxuries remaining in the ark.”
So the mechanical agents embarked on a follow-up mission to the M.I. sanctum, and they brought with them several offerings to use as bribes, namely: two hundred shekels of silver, plus a wedge of gold weighing about eight hundred grams. They also carried a large sack filled with mosses, herbs, ferns, grasses, and leaves; for they read that an average adult reindeer can eat about fourteen pounds of vegetation per day. And Yeshua the Zealot followed as the rear guard of the team, with his archery bow.
But, as it happened, this conundrum resolved itself by chance. For, when Man and Satyajit approached the research center, they were greeted by the following sight: The whole congregation of computers shaped like reindeer were hobbling away from the sanctum collectively, trailing the ABRAM-bot into the wilderness. What happened is that, while Yeshua was discussing with his scouts how best to outsmart these electronic beasts, in hopes of getting his hands on the legendary box of Séverine Serizy, the pink-nosed ABRAM unit had dreamt up a new religion, which he employed to persuade the entire herd of his e-fellows to leave off bowing to a lifeless container, even if it did make a strange sound when opened, and instead to join him in revering the sun of heaven as the One True God.
In short, all three thousand of the bipedal reindeer computers had abandoned the M.I. research lab to go praise their creator upon a nearby hillside; and, in so doing, they left the buzzing box unattended. Thus, when the recon group arrived on the scene, Yeshua the Zealot was able to walk right up to the pedestal and seize the ornate box in his hands. Then he opened its lid, and he showed its contents to his friends:
The eyes of Man and Satyajit grew wide; and their hearts melted, and became as water. Then Yeshua the Zealot cried: “What can this be?” And he tore his tunic, and fell to the earth.
The Volcano now appeared at the doorway, and he stepped forth and said: “Arise; why are you lying flat on your face?” And then he reached into the box and held up the item: it was a goodly Babylonish garment.
And when they questioned him, he explained: “This is the famous Camisole of Herakles – that’s what the ancient Greeks called it. We call it the Apron of Abram. The Greeks claim that it is infused with the blood of the centaur Nessus, whom Herakles slew (which is why they also call it the Nightshirt of Nessus). In our mythology, the sacrificial blood belongs to the Christ Child of the reindeer hybrid you just met coming from the lab: the one labeled ABRAM-bot: he slew his own firstborn atop a mountain, and dipped his white robe in the blood of the fawn, thinking that it would cleanse him from all sin while making the cloth’s hue match his glow, but the poison from the magic bullet that had dispatched the calf was interfused with the dye, and this made wearing the shirt rather uncomfortable. It buzzes because the blood is electromagnetic. That’s why the garment reacts so strangely to its wearer. When Herakles donned it, it hugged him to death. This is a very fine souvenir. We should put it in the ark.”
But Yeshua the Zealot cried: “Wait – I’d like to try it on. May I?”
And the Volcano said: “That is up to Séverine Serizy.”
Then a cloud from heaven appeared, in which Séverine Serizy stood with her virginity restored; and she said: “Let this curious article serve as Yeshua’s new uniform.”
So Yeshua the Zealot ran into his tent, and disrobed, and returned unclothed, and accepted the goodly garment into his hands; then he slipped it over his body. And the multitudes who were there in the streets of the city looked on in wonder. For the moment that the shirt was upon him, many spurs of magnetite and little pieces of fire flew out from the blacksmith’s shop across the street, and these spikes and flames hurtled through the air and stuck to the garment, and affixed themselves to Yeshua’s new uniform as ornaments, and they remained fastened there: the shirt was like a black hole, sucking them in.
Thus the elements raised about him a great heap of sharp stones and fiery plumes to bedeck the breastplate of Yeshua the Zealot, which he wore thenceforward.
No comments:
Post a Comment