[The sections in this entry correspond to the chapters in the King James Bible as follows: 9 = 12; 10 = 16; 11 = 17; 12 = 22; 13 = 23.]
9
Yahweh said to me: “Mortal, pack all your belongings into your prophet’s bindle, as if you were being evicted from your house. Then go bursting through your side wall instead of taking the front door. Do this in the sight of all your countryfolk.”
So, I did as I was instructed by the Lord. Holding my bindle over my shoulder, I left home by breaking through the fourth wall, in the people’s sight.
Then the word of Yahweh came unto me, saying: “Mortal, has the population of Eldorado asked you: ‘What are you doing?’ Well, then tell them: ‘I am a portent unto you. Just as you see me being kicked out of my house, with no time to use the door, so shall all the dwellers in this city be forced to leave their houses in haste. For everyone shall be taken into captivity.’”
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Moreover Yahweh said to me: “Mortal, eat your food while quaking and trembling. Then say to your audience: ‘Thus says the Volcano unto the inhabitants of Eldorado: You shall eat your meals in fear, because this land will be made desolate.’”
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God also said: “Mortal, what is this proverb that I have heard everyone saying, when they say: ‘Yahweh’s doomsday warnings concern events so far in the future that they might never happen.’ Tell these people: ‘You should stop spreading this saying, and instead you should say: “Doom is just around the corner, it will surely happen any minute now.”’”
10
Again Yahweh came and told me: “Mortal, cause the caravan to know her history. Thus says the Volcano unto the caravan:
“You were born in Cambridge; your father was a Columbian, and your mother went to Cornel. These parents of yours abandoned you: they did not cut your navel cord or wash you off or swaddle you: they just dropped you in an open field.
“Then I passed by and saw you there, polluted in your own blood. When I saw you all bloody, I said to you: ‘Live!’ – for I did not want you to die; and when I say something, it happens.
“Then you grew up, and became a young woman: you developed breasts, and your hair grew long; but you were still naked and bare.
“Now I passed by you again, and looked, and behold, you were ripe for marriage, so I made a proposal: and we entered into a covenant of love,” says the Volcano, “and you became mine. Then I bathed you, and washed off all the blood; and I anointed you with oil. I clothed you with fine garments, and decked you with ornaments. I put a crown upon your head. You were extremely beautiful. The whole world admired you.
“Then, seeing how our neighbors all found you attractive, you started to engage in love affairs with them, and you revealed your nakedness to them. Soon you began to hop into bed with every stranger who passed by. And you became pregnant, time and again: Some of the children were mine; others were sired by our neighbors; and a few we never could figure out who had fathered.
“Then you began to wait on the corner of every street, and go to every high place in the land, and stand wearing almost no clothing, and offer passersby gifts to lie with you. Your appetite was insatiable.
“Now, because you are so rarely at home, I desire to re-establish our marriage vows, so that I can enjoy your company again. Do you remember me, your first husband?” says the Lord Yahweh. “Ah, how I long to spend some quality time with you.”
11
And Yahweh came to me and said: “Mortal, put forth a riddle; speak a parable unto the caravan, and say as follows.
“A great eagle flew toward the highest Christmas tree in the world, and when it came near, it plucked off the angel figurine from the treetop. Then this eagle dropped the angel into a bottomless pit of burning fire.
“The same eagle also planted some seed in a field. The seed grew into a vine. And the eagle longed to feel the embrace of this vine’s branches.
“Then there came flying into the world a second great eagle, and the vine of the first eagle shot forth her branches toward this newcomer.
“Now tell me which is the correct answer to this dilemma:
“Choice A. The first great eagle who did the planting should pull the adulterous vine up by its roots, and peck all its fruit to pieces, and choke it to death, and make it wither.
“Choice B. The brokenhearted bird should fly down into the pit and marry the angel figurine that it discarded.”
12
Yahweh came and told me the reason that the caravan shall be taken captive:
“Behold, your leaders are all knee-deep in bloodshed. They have humiliated parents. They have oppressed the stranger and foreigner in your midst. They have cheated and wronged the fatherless and the widow. They have refused to allow the workforce any time off to rest. Deceivers among you acquire wealth by killing competitors. Bribery is rampant. Businessmen murder for profit. They charge interest: a thing which I am dead-set against. The higher-ups achieve power by extortion; every neighbor is compromised. All gains are ill-gotten. The main source of income is weaponry.
“Because of all this, your leadership has become dross. Therefore, this is what I Yahweh say unto you: As silver is gathered into the midst of the furnace, to blow the fire upon it, to melt it, so will I gather you in my fury, and I will leave you there in the fire. Thereby will I remove all your dross, and purify your metal.”
13
Then Yahweh told this story:
“Listen, mortal. Once upon a time, there were two women, who were sisters. They were whores in Egypt. They had been prostitutes since their youth. The elder sister’s name was Angela, and the younger was Christa. I married them both. (For these two sisters represent the caravan: Angela is the north, and Christa is the south.)
“Now Angela continued working as a prostitute after we wed. She doted upon her lovers, on the horsemen from Big Funland: captains and rulers. Angela whored around with them. Her promiscuous ways did not stop when I brought her out of Egypt.
“I allowed Angela to have pleasure with her lovers, the horsemen from Big Funland, on whom she doted; for I am not a jealous husband. And she bore sons and daughters to them.
“Then when her sister Christa saw this, she was encouraged in her own promiscuity, and she became even more inordinate in her love life: she out-whored the whoredoms of her sister.
“She doted upon the horsemen of Big Funland likewise; both sisters followed the same path, but Christa whored more.
“Then one day Christa saw an advertisement for the horsemen of Wonderland, which depicted their sturdy loins; and she lusted after these lovers, and she sent messages unto Wonderland asking their horsemen to come and visit her. And the Wonderlanders galloped full-speed into her bed of love, and they caused her cup of whoredoms to overspill.
“So both these sisters whom I had married kept unveiling to strangers their nakedness and indulging in endless lovemaking. They multiplied their whoredoms, thus causing their early life as harlots in Egypt to look chaste in comparison.
“They lusted after concubinage with their paramours, whose members surpassed the size of donkeys’, and whose seminal discharge exceeded that of stallions.
“Ah, my wives Angela and Christa, you sure have come a long way since your youth. I remember the first time I saw you: with all those Egyptians clutching your paps and squeezing your teats.”
Here Yahweh sighed. And then he said to me:
“Mortal, how should I judge my wives? What appraisal can one make of Angela and Christa? Here is what I did: When I saw how excited they were to receive a visit from the Wonderlanders, I said to them: ‘Go, paint your eyes, deck yourself with ornaments, prepare a table for the horsemen, sprawl yourselves upon our stately bed, perfume yourselves, oil up your flesh, don your finest jewels, put on your bracelets and your crowns.’
“We heard a multitude of hooves coming from afar. Then I said unto this pair who was so experienced in adulteries: ‘It sounds like they are approaching. Are you ready for whoredoms?’
“The Wonderlanders burst through the bedroom door, and they went in unto Angela and Christa. Then, when they were finished, they took my wives with them back into Wonderland. – Now, mortal, what do you say: Should I have tried to stop them? They seemed so happy, riding off into the sunset.”
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