Intro Note
What follows is the plain prose vision of Isaiah, which he saw concerning the wayfarers of the caravan in the days of four southern presidents: (1) President Wrong Loser; (2) his son President Jackanapes; (3) Jackanapes’ successor, the rotting shellfish that got elected; also (4) President Super Yahweh, the offspring of the rotting shellfish. Again, all four were presidents of the southern caravan.
Now here’s what Isaiah said:
1
The Volcano has spoken, saying: I reared up you wayfarers of the caravan like my children, but you went bad. You therefore got dragged away from Eldorado; you were taken captive by Wonderland. You would have been totally obliterated, if I had not deigned to leave a few survivors.
Now listen to what I do NOT desire from you. I do NOT desire any more sacrifices: no more grilling beasts for me; forget that. I do NOT desire any more offerings, any more burning of incense; STOP attending solemn assemblies, I hate your church services: STOP! Your holidays make me sick. Desist from observing them. STOP praying to me with your bloody hands folded. Instead of praying to me, just stop committing crimes; I do NOT desire your whispered words: I desire right action.
If you turn from your awful lifestyle of selfish profiteering, I will dismiss your enemies: I desire to help you grow better; I will burn away your impurities. If you change the way you behave, and begin to act with compassion, lovingkindness and friendship toward all people, all nations, everything that lives, then I will save you. Otherwise, I will destroy you.
2
[Here is another thing that Isaiah said; it concerns the southern part of the caravan.]
Someday soon, people will look up at the Temple of the Hairy One with happiness, and they will go inside peacefully and socialize.
But, ah, your country grew rich and acted with hubris. You arrogant fools. I will cut down all you magnates like tall trees. Overconfident businesspeople.
3
I will scramble your social structure and cause everything to be unpleasant.
You wayfarers who lived in Sweet Beulah Land and Eldorado got the rug pulled out from beneath you, because your leaders were a bunch of smug criminals: those self-styled yogis and gurus and select committees, and all the pastors and rabbis and priests and clerics and officers of every kind. I despise authority! You rob my people. You step on the faces of the poor.
You creditors among the caravan are like one great big whore. And I will ravage all your fineries. Say goodbye to your abundance.
Bad events are coming your way.
4
Once all the criminality has been eliminated, then I will make everything good again. It will be like old times, when we lived in tents together, and my tabernacle was at the center of the caravan. I will visit you in my vortex, whose aperture spews plumes of fire and thick black smoke.
You can enter my tabernacle to take shelter from the rain.
5
Let me sing about my vineyard.
I planted a shining vineyard on a hill. I put a lot of work into it. But it yielded bad fruit: wild grapes.
You tell me: Considering all the care that I invested in planting my vineyard, why did it disappoint me in its yield? I desired fine wine.
Because it angered me, I will neglect my vineyard. It will become overgrown with briars and thorns. I will tell the clouds: Do not rain on my vineyard.
It is obvious, right? The vineyard is the caravan. I desired Elysium; you gave me dystopia.
All you money addicts, you really make me mad. Have you ever seen what fire does to stubble? That is what I plan to do to you.
6
In the year that President Wrong Loser died, I saw the god Yahweh sitting at his executive desk, on the elevated stage of the fire lake within the Furnace of Potential, and the lengthy banner trailing from the back of his silk cream dress filled the entirety.
Above him stood the seraphims. Each had six wings: two accented her bosom, two covered her panty-zone, and with two she did fly.
And one seraphim cried unto another, and said: “Holy, holy, holy, is Yahweh Peor: the entire earth is full of his glory.”
And the ground shook at the voice of her that cried, and the place was filled with smoke.
Then I said: “Ods fut! I am surely damned; for I am a foulmouthed man from a foulmouthed cult, and now mine eyes have seen the volcano of potential.”
Then one of the seraphims glided over to me, holding a live coal in her hand, which she had taken with the tongs from the altar-grill: and she laid it upon my mouth, and it burned. Then she touched her lips to mine, and I was refreshed. And she said: “You are pure now.”
Also, I heard the voice of the Volcano, saying: “Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?” Then I answered: “Here am I; send me.” And he said: “Go, and tell this people, ‘Hear without understanding, and see without perceiving.’ Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and then save themselves by changing the way they behave!”
7
And it came to pass in the days when a Rotting Shellfish was the southern prez, that the king of Funland joined with President Sexact of the northern caravan to come down and attack Eldorado, but they could not prevail. This was how the south learned that the northern part of the caravan was allied with Funland. The southern people were terrified by this development.
Then the Volcano said to Isaiah: “Go and talk to that rotting shellfish who is your southern president. Meet him at the end of the conduit of the upper pool in the highway of the fuller’s field. Do you know where I mean? I chose this place because the air circulates well there – I don’t want you to get nauseated by his stench. And bring your son along with you.”
“Which son?” Isaiah asked. “Shall I bring John, or Dave, or Ben, or Jim, or Ken—”
The Volcano interrupted: “Bring that son of yours whose name is Shear-jashub.”
“OK,” Isaiah wrote this down in his pocket notebook: “so you want me to take my son Shear-jashub along with me to meet our president the rotting shellfish at the end of the conduit of the upper pool in the highway of the fuller’s field. Got it. Anything else? Or is that all? Do you have something specific in mind that you would like me to prophesy?”
Yahweh said: “Yes, say unto him: ‘Take heed, and be quiet; fear not, neither be fainthearted for the two tails of these smoking firebrands, the leader of Funland and President Sexact. Their plans to conquer you will not succeed.’ Tell him that.”
§
So Isaiah met with southern President Rotting Shellfish, and he told him all the words of the Volcano. Then the prophet said unto the president: “To assure you that this prophecy will come true, ask our god to give you a sign. He is willing to do anything to prove himself; so pick some strange marvel that you’d like to see happen, and he will perform it, anywhere from the depths of hell to the heights of heaven. Go ahead: choose a sign.”
But the rotting shellfish who was president of the south replied, saying: “No, I will not ask for a sign. I would rather not test the LORD my God.”
Then the prophet Isaish said: “Listen, the Volcano is not helpless and incompetent like you – he can do anything. So, ask for a sign. Do it, now. Ask him. He’s listening. He’ll perform it with his own freewill. Come on, what sign would you like to see?”
But President Rotting Shellfish was too scared to speak. So Isaiah said:
“Fine, if you won’t choose a sign, the Volcano will. Here’s the sign that you will see happen, to prove that Yahweh’s prophecy will come true (I refer to the prediction that I just relayed, about Sexact and Funland failing in their attempt to vanquish you): Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. Now, not only will this maid be abstinent from and devoid of all carnal knowledge, but the child that she shall bring forth will be a cyborg manservant: both robotic and divine. Yet the mother herself will be fully mortal and human. So how will this happen? Nobody knows: it is mindboggling. That’s why it makes a good sign. (This is, in fact, one of those instances where the sign is more astonishing than the prophecy that it vouches for.) So the virgin will bear from her womb an electric demigod, whose diet shall consist of butter and honey. And before the child shall know how to stop embracing evil and turn instead toward the good, both of those leaders that you fear, the leader of Funland and your northern Counter-President Sexact, shall fall out of power. Look: their countries will be turned into desolate wastelands.”
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