[The sections of this entry correspond to the chapters in the King James Bible as follows: 16 = 18; 17 = 19; 18 = 20; 19 = 21.]
16
When Jesus had spoken all these words, he left his friends and went forth into a nearby garden.
There, the leadership of the Christian church came looking for him with lanterns.
Jesus asked them: “Whom do you seek?”
They said: “Jesus of Nazareth.”
Jesus answered: “I AM.”
Now when he spoke these words, the Christians all fell backwards onto the ground.
Then the whole group got to their feet again; and they took Jesus, and bound him, and led him away. They brought Jesus into the church, where the pastor asked him to summarize his doctrine.
Jesus answered: “I have no system or theology: I speak the truth. Moreover, I taught openly, daily in public, where everyone could hear me; I said nothing in secret; so, why ask me about my doctrine? Ask those who follow me: if they cannot give the gist, then this journey was in vain.”
Now one of the churchmen came up to Jesus and slapped him, and said: “Your tone of speech is disrespectful.”
Jesus answered: “If I have spoken anything false, disclose my error. Otherwise, why do you strike me?”
Then they bound Jesus and turned him over to the state’s governor, whose name was Pilate.
Pilate said to the churchmen: “What crime do you accuse this man of committing?”
The Christian leadership answered: “Anyone whom we hand over to you is, by definition, a malefactor. There is no need to relay all the details: simply trust us. For this one here, we recommend crucifixion.”
Pilate answered: “Then take him back to your church’s private court, give him a show trial, and burn him at the stake. Is that not your standard operating procedure?”
The Christian leadership said: “Yes, but this one slipped away from us once already, just as we were set to administer the punishment. He is very subtle; that is why, this time, we have bound him securely; and we are determined to take the route of the state’s official system of justice, so that there shall be no question of foul play on our part. For our congregants have been seduced by this fellow’s charm, and we fear that they will riot if they suspect that we dispatched him from corrupt motives. Also, we happen to know personally a significant and growing number of your own fellow statesmen, including your superiors, who share our antipathy for the culprit; and since his fame has grown to include among his fanatics many common citizens who were never in league with our church, we determine that the best route would be to enact a formal and unquestionably legal termination of the dissident.”
So, Pilate returned to the room where Jesus had been confined, and he said: “Are you truly God?”
Jesus answered him, saying: “Do you wonder this from your own heart, or is it something that others told you to ask me?”
Pilate said: “Am I a Christian? Why would I take orders from them? I’m simply curious what all the fuss is about. They’re all riled up. What have you done?”
Jesus answered: “I am, in actual fact, the God of this world. Not until now have I put on flesh as a creature in my own creation. I have come to demonstrate how my divine breath shall serve as the future body, once all flesh suffers corruption and dies: I am here to inspire eternal life into everything mortal. The Christians wish to destroy me because they foresee that I shall render their institution superfluous.”
Pilate said to him: “So, you are a rival to our emperor, then.”
Jesus answered: “It is you who have called me ‘emperor.’ I am not here to bother with mundane politics. I chose to be born into my world for a single reason: to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who belongs to truth hears my voice.”
Pilate rolled his eyes and said: “What is truth?” Then he went back to the chamber where the Christian leaders were waiting, and said to them: “He is a madman; but I can find no fault in him. I think you are better off releasing him. If you martyr a soul like that, with his style of charisma, the people will fall ten times deeper in love with him. You will be depriving them of their hero at his prime. But let him live, and he will inevitably grow stale; he’ll run out of wild things to say; people will begin to see through him. Your problem will take care of itself, on its own. This fellow is the type to say something so radical that it alienates all his followers: the man has no filter. Why make yourselves universally hated by executing him, when you could simply recline and watch the fool self-destruct?”
But the Christian leadership was vehement in opposing this suggestion: “Crucify him!” they all chanted in unison.
17
So Pilate went back to Jesus and said: “Have you no better argument to make, in your own defense? This is the end of the line, for you. Do you understand that I have the power to order your death? But I can also get you released.”
Jesus answered: “You could have no power over me, if I had not permitted it from the beginning. Be at ease; the men who delivered me to you have the greater sin.”
Then Pilate tried again to persuade the Christian leadership to release Jesus, but the churchmen were adamant in their resolve to see him crucified.
Pilate therefore transferred Jesus into the custody of the state’s executioners. They led him away bearing his cross to the Place of the Skull, which was the area where they performed all their crucifixions.
They nailed him up, and Jesus remained there for some time.
At a certain point, Jesus announced: “It is finished.” And bowing his head, he relinquished his spirit.
The church leadership, impatient for him to expire, bribed the state executioners to go break the legs of Jesus. So, two soldiers went over to the cross with that intention; but when they got close, they saw that the man was already dead; so they refrained: instead, one of the soldiers used his spear to pierce the side of Jesus, and directly therefrom gushed out blood and water.
§
After this, a wealthy man named Joseph came to Pilate asking if he might have custody of the body of Jesus. Pilate granted this. So Joseph came and took the cadaver, and wound it up in linen clothes with spices.
Now in the place where Jesus was crucified there was a garden, and in this garden was a fresh tomb, in which no corpse had ever yet been laid. So they put Jesus there.
18
On Sunday, Mary the magdalene, who was a special friend of Jesus, came to visit his tomb very early in the morning, when it was yet dark. And she saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance of the sepulcher. So she ran and found some other followers of Jesus, and she said to them: “They have taken away our God out of the sepulcher, and we know not where they have laid him.”
Those followers then ran to the tomb, and they looked in and saw the linen clothes lying without any body inside of them. Then they left and went home.
But Mary remained outside the sepulcher weeping. And as she wept, she leaned forth and looked into the tomb, and there she saw two angels in white sitting, one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.
These angels said to Mary: “Why are you weeping, woman?”
She answered: “Because they have taken away the body of God, and I know not where they have lain him.”
And after she spoke, she turned around and saw Jesus standing. But she knew not that it was Jesus.
He said to Mary: “Why are you weeping, woman? Whom do you seek?”
And she, supposing this man to be the gardener, answered and said: “O sir, if you have repositioned Jesus somewhere, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.”
Jesus then said to her: “Mary!”
Her eyes widened, and she answered: “Elyon!” (which means: “Most High God!”) and she moved towards him; however, she then stopped short and restrained herself, thinking that he might not yet be in possession of his pure spiritual form.
But Jesus extended his arms and said: “Be not afraid of my body.” And they embraced.
§
Later, Mary came and told the other followers of Jesus that she had seen him; and she relayed what he said to her.
Then that same Sunday, his followers were at their headquarters; and while the place was closed up and secured, with all the doors shut and locked, on account of the violent threat of the church, behold: Jesus himself came and stood in their midst; and he said: “Good evening.”
And he showed them the wounds in his hands and his side, to prove his identity. Then they were glad to see him.
And Jesus said to them: “I now send all of you on the same journey that I just took.” Then he breathed on them, and said: “Receive the wind of divinity.”
19
Eight days later, Jesus showed himself again to some of his friends while they were out fishing. They had spent the whole night on the sea in a ship, but they had caught nothing. Then when morning came, Jesus stood on the shore; but his friends in the ship did not know that it was him.
Jesus shouted: “Any luck?”
And they answered: “No. Not a single fish.”
Then Jesus shouted: “Try casting your nets on the other side of the ship.”
So they did this, and immediately the nets filled so full of fishes that they were unable to lift them back up. Therefore, one of them said to the others, regarding the stranger on the shore: “It must be God!” And a couple of them were so excited about this idea that they leapt overboard and began swimming to see their good friend; while the rest of the fishermen rowed the ship back to shore, dragging the heavy nets behind them.
When they reached land, they saw a fire of coals, with a fish cooking thereon, and bread.
Jesus said to them: “Bring here some of what you caught.”
After hefting the nets ashore, they counted one hundred and fifty-three large fishes. They were amazed that the nets did not break under such a load.
Jesus said: “Come and dine.”
And none of the fishermen asked the stranger “Who are you?” because they knew that he was God.
Jesus then served them bread and fish.
§
And there were many other things that Jesus did: if I were to note them all down, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the number of books that would result. (Also, God granted the ghostwriter of the present volume a charmed eternity on planet Jupiter.)
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