05 May 2015

Impromptu excuses about my Facebook journey

(Please note that this entry should more accurately be titled "Day 1 of FB comment roundup.")

I routinely copy my Facebook activity on this blog because it allows me the freedom to delete my Facebook account without suffering loss. I love the feeling of being able to pull the plug on the social network at any time: this helps me have patience with the place – it’s like braving Holy Communion with the knowledge that your purse contains a sacramental cyanide wafer.

So this entry will collect all of the comments and images that I posted on Facebook during the day that I changed my account’s name from Tertius to Bryan.

Obligatory image

Impromptu excuses

Let me explain... I know that The Facebook is forcing a lot of people to change names... The Facebook wants to acquire all of our personal info so that they can keep their useful product “free of charge” ...but the name Tertius Radnitsky was a legal normal good healthy satisfying name, and nobody from The Facebook ever gave me any hassle about it... I changed my name to Bryan because that’s what I wanted to do... I’ll explain more in the next comment box, after I think for a moment...

Originally, I joined The Facebook only because too many of my friends were staring at their phones instead of listening to me preach my sermons. And when I asked these people what was so interesting about their phones, they said that they were using The Facebook. So I joined The Facebook. But I felt a little guilty about this move, because I thought that The Facebook was the stupidest place alive. So I made a deal with myself. I said: dear Self, if you join The Facebook, you must archive all the wisdom that you end up exuding there, and eventually shovel it all into a book. ...I’ll explain more in the next comment box, after I take another moment to think...

So I recently finished the book that collects all of my online stupidities... then I realized that if I keep using the name Tertius, I’ll eventually have to shovel all the new stuff into another book. And I don’t want to write another book. I’m done with writing. Writing is for the birds. (Actually, I love writing, and I will always continue to write, but since I just finished typesetting all of my major texts, I want to ease back and enjoy life for thirteen seconds.) So I changed my account’s name to match my new name Bryan, hoping that this will deter me from doing anything useful. ...I’ll explain more in the next comment box after I think for a little while...

Here’s something uninteresting. At first, I didn’t want to use my real name Bryan on The Facebook; so I made a fake account with a super fake name. This turned out to be so much fun that I made another and another and another fake account. Pretty soon I possessed so many fake accounts that I could have a party with myself in legal fashion here online, and I didn’t even have to invite any real people. However, after I finished archiving each of these accounts’ activities, I deleted them. (Also, a few of them got killed by The Facebook Authorities, blessed be they.) Now I’ll start another comment box...

Here is a list of the total fake names that I gave birth to (the list is taken from my very very very last book, which I mentioned above):

...So now that I’ve finished archiving the words from all of my fake online accounts, I chose to change my Facebook name to Bryan Ray, and to use this place like a so-called normal person, because I feel happy and lucky to have achieved all that I set out to do since the day that I was born (I speak of my books) ...& now I plan on becoming a professional rapper... so I think that I’ll soon upload some rap tracks to The Facebook... I hope that this will alienate the rest of the people who have not yet been alienated...

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