If I were a teacher of musical instruments

If I were a teacher of musical instruments, my first student of the day would show up with his flute, and I would say "Play me the ditty that your mom tells me you've been practicing." And the kid would begin with a trill; but I would shout "No! your technique's all wrong." 

Then my next student would come in holding her violin, and I would say: "Play me something jazzy," and she would move the bow upon the strings; then I would say: "You're not even making real notes; those are squeaks and scratches. This lesson's over."

My last student of the day would be a drummer. She'd show up with her electronic drum machine, and I'd say "OK, show me what you got." Then she would press the "play" button on the machine, and it would make a funky beat fill the air. "That's good, I like it," I'd say, while nodding slightly and successfully maintaining my scowl. Then I'd wave my hand, signifying for her to shut off the sound; and I'd say: "Go home and make a better beat for next time. Also write some rap lyrics to accompany it. I want you to use a lot of dirty language, like swear words and derogatory slang. Can you do that for me?" And the girl would nod and smile and go skipping back home. She would fashion another cool beat and write a shockingly offensive rap. I'd help her to record her vocals in a studio, and then I'd find her a lucrative distribution deal. Therefore, her music lessons with me would ultimately result in her song getting played on the radio and becoming a #2 hit. (The reason it didn't reach the top spot is that the system is rigged: the sales-certification process is overseen by a company that is corrupt. We are currently suing them.)