Our family is unique in that my younger brother Paul was born two full years before I, his older brother Bryan, entered the world. So I'm the eldest, yet technically second-born. And, to complicate matters further, each of us was actually a twin birth — tho Paul and I are as different from each other as any normal siblings, each of us was born alongside our exact replica: identical, down to the finest detail. We even share the same name. (Why did our makers do this?) Paul and Paul, the younger first-borns, both are knights in shining armor; and we two Bryans serve as squires to our respective younger siblings. Moreover, only one of each of us twins is made of real flesh & blood, while our double is a false copy fabricated by an evil magician. So, to help tell us apart, for the sake of clarity, I'll refer to my genuine human brother as "Paul True" and his illusory duplicate as "Paul Zoo". And likewise for my self and his cursed original: "Bry True" and "Bry Zoo".
Now it came to pass that we Pauls & Bryans were cruising in our pontoon upon the surface of a calm green moat, just outside of a haunted castle. Then we hit a giant squid and capsized, so we had to swim to shore. Paul True and Bryan Zoo ended up in South Africa; meanwhile, our doubles, Paul Zoo and Bryan True, washed up in Hyperborea (also known as Minnesota).
After years of struggle, both of us sets of separated brothers became successful businessmen and ultimately settled down in our regions of choice: the South African Paul & Bryan found a house in Johannesburg; and we Hyperboreans set up shop in Thief River Falls. Oddly enough, for tax purposes, we who put roots down in MN registered our company in SA, while the knight and squire from SA registered their company in MN. Then, both of us brotherly duos got exiled from our adopted native lands, after we were all caught using our own employees' pension funds to pay for sundry roomfuls of naked sculptures; so we all fled to New Zealand and secured also a dual citizenship in Israel.
Now a very pretty maid enters the pleasure-grove where we brothers are lounging. She places a tray of Long Island iced teas on the golden table before our group. Normally this damsel would have left immediately without stopping to gaze upon the members of the Global Master Class, but something about us pairs of identical twins who are dressed in emblazoned surcoats made her choose to risk her life for the chance to see more. So she stands there and gawks, as we brothers all reach for our beverages while keeping our heads down: not one of us raises his eyes from the screen of his electronic device — no, not even momentarily — to note the existence of his long-lost siblings or even to scowl at the nosy maidservant. It is on account of this unobservant attitude in us players ourselves that the reunion between we pairs of twins who were separated in middle age did not pan out: for, on this occasion, betwixt all four of us, it remains unacknowledged that two are sinister doppelgangers whose fellows are physically younger but technically older.
Then I, Bryan True, head out to buy a pair of loafers from the old blind cobbler across the street. And Bryan Zoo follows suit and selects some brown leather shoes to purchase too. But listen to the problem that occurs at the checkout counter, as a result of our shared appearance and taste in apparel:
Not long after placing my loafers next to the kiosk's cash register and beginning to spill out from my purse the proper amount of coins, I, Bryan True, stop short and announce that it is imperative for me to visit the restroom this instant: "For I must powder my nose; therefore, please watch over this freshly acquired footwear of mine, to make sure that nobody attempts to re-purchase it in my absence." Then I dash offstage and light two cigarettes at once.
After waiting until I, Bryan True, am just out of earshot (for he is counting the coins by feeling them with his fingers), the old blind cobbler yells out his reply to my speech above: "I will try my very best to guard your goods, but keep in mind that I've been blind since before the time that I composed my last epic."
At this point, Bryan Zoo approaches the register and drops an identical pair of brown leather loafers on the countertop next to my Bryan True Shoes. "Ring me up," Mr. Zoo sez rudely to the old blind cobbler.
Now the cobbler looks up at Bryan Zoo and gasps & faints. So the surrounding customers, all of which are medical doctors, revive him with smelling salts, and they apply leeches to his body so as to drain out all the humor from his blood. These tactics work to make the man logical again; and his eyesight is restored. "I see a man before me who is standing upright like a mighty cedar of Lebanon," sez the old blind cobbler; "and he is trying to offer me coins for these leather shoes, WHICH HE ALREADY BOT! —This is a trying situation, since, if I were to accept a double payment for one single purchase, I myself would prove to be as immoral as every priest who has stolen from my tip jar over the years. And I refuse to sink to that level. Therefore, tell this devil to scoop his $$$ plus both pairs of loafers back into his handbag. I will send him my soul when I'm dead."
At this moment, I, Bryan True, return from the men's room. I stop short and blink while staring at the sight of the identical pairs of loafers and all the coins that have been heaped upon the kiosk's countertop. "What in God's name is going on here!?" I step forth and drape my body over the initial pair of loafers that I recently purchased. As I hug my merchandise, the old blind cobbler begins to groan, because I happen to be standing on his chest (I seriously had not noticed him lying there on the ground — apparently he had fainted and was being revived by the local quacks). "Oh, sorry!" I gingerly step off his chest and re-drape myself over my property. Bryan Zoo follows suit (that is, he establishes ownership of the second pair of loafers by physically hunching over them next to me).
Now, to conclude the drama, Paul Zoo, the errant knight in shining armor, emerges from the retail outlet where he has been browsing: He gently pats the neck of his white horse and whispers in its ear, causing it to trot over and halt before the cobbler's kiosk. Also Paul True (the twin brother of Paul Zoo) arrives at the kiosk from the other direction. There is much confusion from the crowds who are standing nearby: Various extras who aren't even supposed to have speaking roles approach Paul True and Paul Zoo demanding that they pay back the sums that they had borrowed from them during the lunch break. Needless to say, both Pauls refuse to acknowledge the legitimacy of any of these claims upon their fortunes.
Suddenly, a messenger from the king of the neighboring district runs onstage & stands panting for several moments. Then he announces that he is holding here in his hand a letter from the princess! (When he reads it, it clears everything up.)
So both Pauls wed and live happily ever after; while we, their squires—I Bryan True & my knockoff Bryan Zoo—realize that, at some point during all the foregoing mix-ups, our fates got swapped (for all of us Bryans are chained to dooms that wear the same sackcloth); so we laugh about this while trading back & expiring. Finally, as the orchestra plays the opposite of an overture, a man named Estados Unidos paints the audience into a corner.
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