THOTS

Somewhere there's a whole street that's on fire. 

Some birds are making a nest somewhere.

Somewhere a bear is sleeping. 

Weeds are growing in somebody's lawn, I'm sure.

So many people have lived and died. So many animals, so many insects. 

Think of all of those huge stones that were used to build the pyramids in Egypt. 

And bicycle chains, and the grease on bicycle chains.

Some parents tell their children "Do [X]" and "Don't do [Y]". Some children follow these commands; others don't. Some children get caught disobeying their parents; others don't. 

The sun is hot and large. It helps certain things grow, and it makes other things die. Sometimes I'm glad that the sun exists, and other times I yearn for a better world.

Some people work for delivery services. A truck stops in front of your house. Several small humans emerge from the truck's cab and deposit a cardboard box upon your doorstep.

Christmastime is here. A dog is barking.

Look at the full moon. Baloney is on sale. Someone's wearing a paper hat. 

I should buy a boat and then park it somewhere and forget about it.

I should pray for a piece of glass to come into my possession. It doesn't matter if it was naturally broken from a mug that fell from the hand of a bartender, or if it was shaped like a fragment from the beginning. 

You and I should trade places for a day. I'll work in the Alexandrian Library, and you'll do whatever the fuck I do.

I wanna go to a ballet performance and faint. Then I want the chandelier to fall on me.

Let's purchase our own police department.

Let's move only when commanded, and appear only in places where we're welcome.

Let's make one wig out of shredded paper and another out of uncooked noodles. 

Cut the power.

Next time we fashion a perfect male mirror, we should simultaneously fashion a perfect female mirror and see if we can get them to fight. Then we should fashion a mad dog, and teach it to sit still when we whisper "But who's your BEST friend?"

There are three types of buildings: tall skyscrapers, medium churches, and small huts. There are also homes that are built underground.

When snipers shoot their rifles at the clouds, God should always cause the bullets to miss him and instead hit someone who's about to do something evil on the ground. That way, acts of protest can be circumvented.

Are you going to eat all that cake? Would you like a popsicle as well? How about a muffin?

Imagine water trickling into a gutter.

You open a suitcase. It contains sand. You open another suitcase. It contains honey.

Sleep thru life, I dare you.

Wow, you wore a really nice dress to this occasion.

How many stars does it take to screw up a source of light?

Someone should carpet all highways.

Idea for a lucrative business: Sell automobiles that are filled with candy-corn, so that when someone purchases a vehicle from your establishment, once they open the door, candy-corn spills out. (Question: "But what if a customer wants to test-drive the car before buying it?" Answer: "Devise an excuse why they cannot do that; then close the deal fast.")

Build a wooden stand, and set a jug of lemonade on it. Put some ice in several highball glasses, and place these next to the jug. Then affix to the stand a large sign that reads "LEMONADE", so that people know what you're vending; but include no price. Now walk away and build another stand, with more glasses and a similar sign that lacks pricing info. Just keep doing this, and see what happens. (Set up cameras around each instance, to film the results; then edit the footage into a documentary film.)

Direct an award-winning documentary about lemonade stands, and then use your remaining money to purchase a soul-mate. Produce a male heir to your throne, and donate this lad to the armed forces of whatever country you rule. Once the boy grows up and returns home holding his government-issued cudgel, raise your hands to show that you're unarmed and then lyingly break the news to him that you're a foreign secret agent. "A traitor to our country?" he shall ask. "Yes, that's correct," you should respond. Try to weep while you say this.

I hate the way that airplanes are engineered. Flying saucers from outer space are much more attractive. My rule of thumb is that all things should aspire to be pancake-shaped.

Is teaching possible? If so, then why has nobody ever learned anything? Could it be that the tradition of schooling is a scam? Why isn't every class filled as many teachers as students? CONCLUSION: if all students AND teachers get blanked in the next World War... I just thought of a new question: Are cows the perfect robot?