I taught a class...

I taught a class called "How to Be a Man". The lecture hall was packed; all types of guys were interested in this subject. (Women were not banned from enrolling, but no women showed up.) Here's how my first lecture began:

"Many fools think that being a man is all about acting tough and macho; not crying when someone insults you; never smiling, ever; and abstaining from wondering or changing your mind. But I'm here to tell you that the real way to be a man is almost the opposite. You can act tough and macho, sure; but you should also show compassion and gentleness toward others, while smiling, precisely because you're indestructible. And, far from being an act to avoid, crying teardrops is especially manly — think of the ancient Greek warriors on the battlefield, in Homer's ILIAD: you don't get more masculine than that; and yet any one of them was known to weep openly whenever he found a fellow soldier dead on the ground from a javelin or axe wound."

So this is how I made real men of all the males in my community: I taught a free class.

I also taught a class called "How to Be a Woman". Again, it attracted a full house. And this time it was mostly gals who attended, tho there were a few guys.

"Listen," I shouted; then I paced back and forth in front of the podium very slowly for a great while before saying any more words. Suddenly, I stopped cold and delivered thru clenched teeth the finest speech you've ever heard about being a woman. My advice contained deep wisdom & left every single student satisfied. More importantly, it made real women out of all of them.

Later I taught a course in how to win at gambling. And I taught one on how to be a good German. I taught one that showed how to dance properly. I even taught a class about Earth Science.

Then I took a sabbatical and walked around in the park for a while. (There is a park that exists across the street from the place where I teach.) I walked on the paths thru the crisp leaves of autumn. Sometimes a colleague from the university would accompany me, and we would recite our favorite poems to each other and then argue about their merit. Other times I would walk alone while pondering the beauty of the female body.

Then disasters began to ruin our neighborhood — there were power outages everywhere which lasted for weeks, and ice dams on everything; plus a local volcano exploded — so I changed my field of expertise to "Doom Avoidance" and went on a lecture circuit called "Preparation for the Unexpected." When I came back to teach the next semester, I taught my students how to survive a worldwide firestorm, and what type of helmet to wear when reading a book outdoors during a meteorite shower.

Soon everybody on the planet suffered a stroke. All at once, all humans everywhere lost the ability to function normally. In the aftermath, none of us could even speak: we could only sorta murmur at each other while looking perplexed. So we had to spend several years re-learning everything we once knew. But we eventually succeeded. The amount of time that we lost to this catastrophe is an epoch that we rarely discuss nowadays: we prefer to sweep it under the rug.

Then the angels of heaven came down and began to seduce us mortal humans. At first, I reacted to this threat by teaching a series of lectures called "How to Protect Your Person in This Age of Terror", where I advised fleeing from any winged being's sensual overture — I urged my students to "Let your aggressor keep your garment if she has clutched it in her hand: just run away uncloaked, for the sake of preserving your honor." That's what I taught them, in good faith. Until the night when I got seduced myself. Then I started an entirely new series of lectures which revised the advice that I offered in my earlier series. This later, better series is called "Angelic Advances: One of Life's Natural Blessings."

So that's what I teach at present. If you take the above confession as a résumé, then you're all caught up with the accomplishments of my career. You additionally learned a few personal details about me — I'll try to think of a couple more, before concluding. As implied, I live alone; tho I billet multiple succubi. And, back before all aquatic life was poisoned, I always assumed that I would dislike sushi, but it turns out that I actually LOVE IT — one succubus turned me on to a place near my apartment where they sell the best seafood in the form of hallucinogenics, and there's an item on the menu that persuades me I'm enjoying the finest sushi, despite the fact that I've never tried the dish in real life. Yes, I find that I learn more by attempting to teach something that I could never know than by being a student, even in my own classroom.