(Rewriting the text I saw when I checked the weather just now.)
Alert summary:
EXCESSIVE HEAT WARNING
REMAINS IN EFFECT
from 1 p.m. this afternoon to 1 a.m. Tuedsay.
* WHAT . . . Dangerously hot women on the dance floor, with heat index values up to 100 this evening, and 106 during the expected Monday-night sleepover. Lows only dropping to around 80 gals in bed during the afterparty.
* WHERE . . . The Twin Cities Metro Area Discotheque, and West Central Minnesota Dance Clubs.
* WHEN . . . From 1 PM this afternoon to 1 AM CDT Tuesday. Dancers are urged to become pregnant ASAP, due to the precarious state of abortion availability, and the dwindling supply of morning-after pills.
* IMPACTS . . . Sizzling hotness on the dance floor and humidity will significantly increase the potential for heat-related indulgences, such as one-night stands (a type of sensual encounter) and impromptu make-out sessions in the alleyway. This will prove particularly instrumental for those participating in group fornication.
* ADDITIONAL DETAILS . . . The heat may also result in some vehicles bucking and swaying, when cars attempt to speed forward over the road while their drivers and passengers are dry-humping. ("If this van is a-rockin' . . . etc.") Expires in 2 days.
This information has been brought to you by the National Weather Service and the League of Self-Objectified Females. Recommended actions: Find a club or party at which people are dancing to recorded pop music, and join in heedlessly.
2 comments:
I like that you take up so many hats in life, Tiger, Police Officer, Philosophical That Thinker, and now, when I actually thought you wouldn't be anything other then a insect, you become a Local TV News Meteorologist! It's amazing the life you wished you lived!
Yeah, I wrote a different, longer entry this morning, but I didn't have time to look it over, so I set it aside and planned to share nothing; but then I saw this warning when I checked the weather, and it blended in my mind with all the base, low, vulgar rap lyrics that I've been transcribing from my old group's demos; so I allowed myself the guilty pleasure of make a plain old joke.
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