Car Mechanic and Sequel

I’m an automobile mechanic. I fix cars. That’s why I have these smudges of grease on my face. I check and adjust the clutch of your vehicle. I clean out your air filter. When I finish a repair, I take the car out on the road and test it. I’m a highly skilled driver. Remember the movie Driving Miss Daisy? I actually never saw that film, but I’ve seen the advertisements for it, and last night I had a dream where I was a chauffeur, and I drove Miss Daisy right into the fire. 

I can replace your brakes and check and fix your shocks or struts. Did you know that your engine is powered by one small wheel that is turned by a hamster? I can mend punctured tires and change out flats. (You don’t want to drive a car that has a flat tire.) I charge a fee for all my services. You can pay me with cash or check. I also take credit cards. 

In short, I’ll tune up your vehicle and make it run well. I never leave my tools under your hood. I’m experienced and responsible — I know how to fix just about anything, and I won’t rip you off. So, if your car isn’t running right, bring her on by my shop, and I’ll give her a once-over. I’ll grease your shaft, change your oil, and put in new sparkplugs.

Car Mechanic: The Sequel

I work at an auto repair shop in North America. I drive a Ford. I’m really into racecars. I like to prop open the hood of a vehicle and lean my elbow on its engine while sipping a beer. You ask me to calibrate this or that? OK. You want me to clean the fuel intake manifold and swap out your regular tires for big monster-truck tires? OK. I’ll do whatever you ask. Then, on my break, I’ll smoke a cigarette and drink some coffee out of a styrofoam cup. When I come back, I’ll finish all the work that you requested. 

I wear baggy coveralls and hold a wrench in my dominant hand. I can fix oil leaks very quickly. 

Allow me to show you the photographs in this calendar that is pinned to the wall of my shop. Each month features a famous librarian posing next to products made by an electronic breadmaker (that’s the publication’s sponsor). Here’s Tiffany standing next to a bowl of tortillas. Here’s Stacey standing next to a slice of soft bread. Now I’ll just speed-flip thru the rest of the photos, because I can tell you’re bored: There’s Chasey, Celeste, Nikki, Jenna, Kelly, Jade, and Summer. — Inner tube, Jiffy Lube, chicken soup, underboob.