Giant M&Ms that Eat People

NOTE. M&M’s are a brand of candy-coated chocolates. They were invented so that Spanish mercenaries could  invade warm climates without their treats melting.

We are giant M&M’s that eat people. We have white skinny legs and nondescript shoes. We’re colossal and bloated. As the superhero Superman has a letter “S” on his chest, we have an “M” on our belly which stands for “Maneater”. Did I mention we’re enormous? And we’re covered by a hard candy shell, which serves as natural riot-armor.

We pick you up and eat you, and then you go to Hell. Some of us are green, some are blue, some are red, etc. We eat people for snacks. If we see a crowd attending a bluegrass music festival, we won’t just consume one or two of the attendees: we eat the whole multitude. Men are like popcorn for carnivores. 

We don’t eat no damn houseplants; we eat human beings. The average M&M gulps down ninety people per day; so our teeth are never clean. We’re always stomping around the street, knocking over buildings and kicking skyscrapers. We’re filled with semi-sweet chocolate. 

A laborer at a construction site points and says to his foreman: “Look at those giant M&M’s gobbling up bystanders and passersby!” So, after swallowing the person I’ve been munching on, I turn to the guy who spoke and shout: “Hey, what’s your problem—do you want to get eaten by a giant M&M?” Then I stomp over to the construction site and scarf down the whole team of workers, hard hats and all. 

To sum up: I have a big tongue, big eyes, big mouth, and a big belly with the letter “M” tattooed on it. Better run or I’ll devour you.