Litterbox

If you have a cat, then you probably know that you need to provide a place where your cat can relieve himself. This is essential to the health of the animal. Such a place is known in the U.S. as a “litterbox”. Unfortunately, once you’ve procured such an item, every so often, you must clean it. Failing to clean your cat’s litterbox can cause your house to have an unpleasant scent. 

I’ll be frank: litterbox maintenance is disgusting. I asserted in my previous address that I would rather use a vacuum than a broom; but now I swear that I would rather sweep a whole pile of dust with a broom than clean a cat’s litterbox. First, you must wear protective clothing, and always be sure to plug your nose. Pick up each piece of feline waste with your double-gloved hand, and avoid the temptation to touch your eyes. Toss the waste into a trash can, and don’t forget to wash your hands afterwards. Also, replenish any litter that was displaced during cleaning. Neglecting to perform this step will cause your cat to grow enraged, and he will urinate on your pillow. That is his way of expressing his dissatisfaction with you. I understand that you have only one cat; I myself have three. Therefore I designate myself as an expert on this subject. My cleaning secrets really work.

“Why,” you ask, “can’t cats just learn to answer the call of nature outdoors, like dogs do?” — I have no answer for you. This is one of the oldest mysteries in the Bible.