Seamstresses

Would you like something sewn? Then call a seamstress: that’s what we’re here for. 

I, Bryan Ray, became a seamstress when I was very young, in order to make money to support my family. Plus, I was tired of seeing so many people walking around wearing ill-fitting trousers. “You all look like dorks,” I would say. Then I would grab their pant legs and feel whether there was sufficient material under the hem — if so, I’d perform an alteration, then and there. 

Soon, word got out how talented I was; and I became a local star. Strangers began to approach me in the street and ask, deferentially: “Is it true that you can make my slacks fit better?” And, in lieu of a verbal reply, I would set to work modifying their attire and make it look stylish.

My favorite part of this specialty is taking detailed measurements. I just love jotting numbers down in my notebook.

But I would like to set one wretched idea to rest. An editorial was recently published by an online news site, in which some self-styled experts suggested that the art of sewing should be practiced exclusively by people like myself — that is, it should only be done by established masters. On the contrary, I say: all are welcome in my Aggregate Union of Seamstresses. As long as your stance is earnest and friendly, I will pretend that you did a good job. I can always quietly fix your mistakes later, when nobody’s looking.

Final Tip

Before I vanish into the night, here’s one last note about sewing that you should take to heart. Pant cuffs should neither touch the ground when you walk nor expose your calves to the elements. A good rule of thumb is: if you feel discomfort, make an adjustment. And I’ll always be glad to help you out.