A Rant Against Poor People

[NOTE. The following lecture is an experiment, in which I aim to assert the opposite of my actual view, for the sake of evil.]

Here’s my idea: tax the poor. However much they’re currently taxed, we should increase that amount. Tax them more & more & more. Now here’s my reasoning:

Poor people contribute nothing to the country. I hope they all croak. Rich people worked honestly for their wealth, and they’re forced to pay too much taxes, while poor people just sit around, sucking on the udders of government. 

You poor folks are a national disgrace; you expect that you can take all the rich people’s hard-earned cash, but you should learn to eat food out of the garbage and leave us alone. Lazy poor people, welfare mothers, thugs who cross over the country’s border illegally, and anyone who refers to others who are not biologically related to them as their “brothers and sisters”, you are the downfall of this nation. 

Taxing is theft: you’re stealing all the rich folk’s wealth. That’s why I say that instead we should tax the poor, because they hold us down. Nobody can make a buck in this country without your filthy hand creeping into our purse. We should corral you all onto a rocket and shoot it far away from us. — But, on second thought, that would cost too much; so we’ll just continue to let you all starve. Darwin taught us that natural selection is God’s preferred path to success. I propose also that we sterilize the poor; otherwise they’ll keep multiplying.

Here are some things that I hate about poor people. They don’t do anything productive or useful. They are all fat slobs. They are a permanent smudge on the record of civilization. They subsist off the public sector and spend their charity pittance on street drugs. They keep giving birth to litters of babies; and they can’t afford milk for their breakfast cereal, so they use water instead — that is disgusting. 

If you have a poor person for a son or daughter, then tie them to an iceberg and push the iceberg away: watch it float into the sea and disappear over the horizon forever. Perform this act and do not worry about the consequences; for I am a judge, and I will be lenient when I sentence you.

My sympathy goes out to anyone who favors being mean to poor people. We should establish “no-poverty zones” all over the county, where it is illegal for poor people to exist. I would move there in a heartbeat, if there was such a place. 

And regarding the way that poor folks abuse public transportation — sleeping outside the bus depot, and not appearing clean-cut when boarding — this chaps my hide. I wish there were a legal way to erase the existence or poor people, because they are an eyesore.

I suggest that we build a great wall on the edge of reality, and lure all the poor people to walk through its yuge pearly gate, so that they leave our reality; then shut the gate behind them after they’re gone. I would personally lock this gate and swallow the key. That’s the truth. Thanks for listening.