Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice

Abortion is a very important subject. Among other things, it involves whether or not a human object has rights. There are strong arguments both for and against abortion; I will start with the latter.

Abortion is wrong, so don’t abort your child. Fetuses are people, too, and everybody has a right to life. Aborting a fetus is bad. You are responsible for your actions, so don’t kill babies. Abstain from sexual intercourse until you’re married, or your child will be terminated, necessitating a funeral, plus burial or cremation. Then you will face your day in court, where you will be convicted of murdering infants. By premeditating this crime, you chopped down an entire family tree and contributed to spreading fetal rabies. Although a fetus is very small, it is still a full-grown adult. Look: an amorphous mass of cells resembles a jellyfish, because we are made in the image of God. We are all children of God, for God wed everyone at “the Marriage of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:7). And God does not like when you kill his children.  If you kill God’s children, then God will kill you.

Now let us visit some abortion clinics. Note that the protestors outside these clinics are chanting the slogan “Pro-Choice is Pro‑Death” and they are setting the building ablaze. They burn the born with the unborn. Let’s interview this doctor who has escaped from the inferno. I hold my microphone to his face and say: 

“Doc, I noticed that your lab coat is on fire. What do you have to say about these activists who have incinerated your abortion clinic?” 

The doctor answers: “Pro-lifers are mentally ill. It’s better off having babies dead. Every woman has a right to choose whether or not to wear a brassiere and what types of items to let escape from her pelvic chamber. And if a baby is solitarily confined within a woman’s padded cell, this constitutes a violation of that mother’s rights: the infant must be extradited to the USA and tried for violating the Espionage Act, because every unborn child is, de facto, a treasonous parasite. We should therefore blindfold each zygote and toss it in the clothes hamper. Or throw it into a basket of fresh towels. Annihilate all that is not already born. Rights are for humans, not amphibian cell blobs. Try this experiment: Take a fetus out of your womb and study its face; note that it bears no resemblance to your own — no: it looks more like a squid, or a gobbet of pork. I don’t want that inside MY soul. Additionally, terminating pregnancies is good clean fun. I’m heading out to perform another procedure, this instant…” 

Thus the doctor left off his speech. And, before I could thank him for participating in this question-and-answer session, he dashed over into the swamp, to put out the flames of his burning smock, and resumed performing continuous abortions.