Circuit City

The most popular store in our village is called Circuit City. Pull up a chair and I’ll tell you about it. First I’ll give you some general information about the place, and then I’ll reveal what happened to me when I went there.

Circuit City is a retail company that specializes in consumer electronics. It sells HDTVs, CDs, and DVDs. There’s nothing more to say. It also sells bass tubes and laptops. All of its saleswomen are female, and all of these females are pretty. It also sells computer desks and stereo receiver units. 

OK, so, one day, I’m out shopping for Christian rock albums and Bible-themed comic books. So I enter Circuit City, and, when a clerk appears, I ask her to direct me to the restroom. This clerk says that no such place exists. I then demand to speak to her manager: 

“How come you don’t have restrooms?” I ask the manager. The manager apologizes for this misunderstanding: She claims that the above clerk misinformed me due to confusion: “It’s her first year on the job,” the manager winks; then she adds: “The restrooms are right over yonder, behind the pornographic magazines, in the ‘Red Hot Entertainment’ section of the store, underneath the neon sign that says ‘ADULTS ONLY’.” 

Now, feeling acutely embarrassed, I walk over to the specified area and enter the gentlemen’s room. After positioning my prayer rug on the floor, I kneel down and offer a half-hour of silent praise to The Creator. Then I arise, gather my things, and head back into the store. I toss a few X-rated video cassettes atop the stash of items that I’d selected to purchase earlier; then I check out at the cash register and leave the establishment. 

Standing outside Circuit City, I notice that there’s an enormous liquor store directly across the parking lot; so I go and enter it, with the aim of stocking up on Russian Vodka. Once inside, however, when I begin looking around, I can find neither booze nor even wine: All I see is this stuff labeled “Barely Beer”, “Almost Alcohol”, and “I Can’t Believe it’s Truly Zero-Proof Fruit Juice!”  — There’s nothing more on the shelves. So I lose my temper and scream at the man behind the counter:

“How can you call yourself a liquor store if you don’t sell liquor! Is my money not as good as any teetotaler’s? I want my clear fiery spirits!” 

Then this guy informs me that his store has been bought out by Circuit City, so they’re in the process of transitioning over to selling consumer electronics: “We just didn’t have time to change our building’s sign yet.”