You and I should sniff snuff together sometime. Crack rock is also a substance that role models use. Some experts consider the act of getting high on drugs to be a virtuous pursuit. To have red eyes and carry around suitcases filled with pharmaceuticals… to drink whole vats of wine and lick poisonous mushroom sticks… or use a hot coal to ignite a cigarette that is filled with God-knows-what…
And did I mention ice-cold beer, straight out of the keg? Ooh: angel dust. Morphine, yum. Greet a pediatrician by saying “Trick or treat,” and he will hand you a box filled with codeine. Let’s all ride the white horse. Achieve a state of inebriation and then go hang gliding. Roll a cigar. Drink bathtubs of moonshine. Inhale black smoke. Tetrahydrocannabinol.
I’d like to wear one of those baseball caps that has a depiction of a Big Fat Green Leaf upon it. I’ve even heard there’s a substance called “speed” — I wonder what that does. Bad acid with some tea and cucumber sandwiches. A flashy new red-and-blue pill. Vodka with tonic. (Vodka with anything, really.) A thirteen-foot bong. This essay has ended.
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