Hotel Story

One day, when my wife Lil and I were traveling down the highway, our car made a noise like it was about to explode. I became concerned, and Lil said to stop; so I turned off at the next available exit, and we pulled into an Amoco repair shop. The mechanic checked out our engine; he diagnosed my car as having overheated and said it was unsafe to drive: It would take a day or two for him to get it running again, he claimed; and he pointed out that there was a hotel at the end of the block, where we could stay while waiting. So we left the car at the repair shop and went to the hotel:

The clerk at the front desk said that they had a room on the first floor available for umpteen dollars per night. So we agreed to take it.

After walking down the hall and putting the key in the door, we undressed, hopped onto the bed and fell fast asleep — for we were exhausted.

There’s no way of knowing much time passed, but, out of deep slumber, we were awakened by a thunderous noise: A giant female bather came crashing through the ceiling and landed right on our bed. She seemed to have fallen through multiple floors. 

Then several more giant female bathers followed. They likewise fell from the floors above and landed directly in our bed, which was now bowed and creaking.

While trapped beneath all these bodies, I started worrying that my wife and I might suffocate; so I set about trying to escape. I began pushing with all my might, but giant fallen bathing-beauties are not easy to reposition. Nonetheless, I managed to move the nearest one’s arm enough to be able to check on my wife — I was alarmed to see that a bather had landed so that her chest was entirely covering poor Lil’s face. Hoping that my wife could hear me, I shouted: “Lilith, are you OK?” She answered with a faint, muffled “Yes.” — I breathed a sigh of relief and thought to myself: the impact of the fall was likely mitigated by the softness of the bather’s bosom. 

After a prolonged struggle, we finally got ourselves out of the bed. Then we settled the hotel bill and telephoned the repair shop, but our car still wasn’t ready. So we ended up having to rent a 24-speed stick-shift moving-truck from U-Haul, despite the fact that neither my wife nor I are comfortable driving a manual transmission. Plus, inexplicably, this vehicle had hardwood floors installed in its cab, and there was alien juice all over everything.