This essay was sponsored in part by Miller High Life, the flagship beer of the Miller Brewing Company. It was also sponsored by Tang, the famous drink mix formulated by the Beverage Scientists at General Foods Corporation.
THESIS
I ought to place you in a pregnancy clinic, because you’re all knocked up with alien eggs.
And why does your cat have only seven lives? What have you done with the rest?
You explain that your cat got stolen by the same flying saucer that abducted you. — You think you’re clever when you refer to it as a “frying saucer,” because (you claim) “it was really hot onboard.” — So these aliens purportedly stole your cat’s body; but they lost his head, which rolled to the back of the ship and fell out of the pod bay doors.
Who left these doors open? And why was your cat’s head detached from his body in the first place? That’s MY question. — Do you think that the aliens were planning on doing a head-swap betwixt the both of you, in order to replenish the lost race of Cat People?
CONCLUSION
I think what happened is that you and I were spending some time together vacationing on a fantasy island while our ghost souls were at home authoring future events. And we were controlling our ghosts by remote. They did a good job actualizing all that we commanded them, wouldn’t you say? I’m happy with the results. It made for a prizewinning essay, which can go in our book. We can take the credit and make big bucks off this deal.
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